Published on 12, July, 2020
Shopping online is such a boon. When I can get things delivered that is. I've been battling with DHL for me to go and collect a pair of shoes that I bought at the beginning of November from them, but they only offer deliveries at non specific times, and I can't cope with that.
But leaving the house to go shopping I detest. All that noise, all that choice, all the offers, and colours, and people asking if you have store cards, and people trying to sell you things or asking you to fill in surveys... Give me a day spent indoors any time.
What is worse than shopping is shopping with my other half. This afternoon we set out to go to Sainsbury's to buy cereal, washing up liquid and something for dinner tonight. The snow is causing traffic chaos so we walk. No issue with that (though if anyone throws a snowball in my direction 'for a laugh' I'm turning round and going home).
Then on the way he goes into QD. I feel like I'm about to explode. Why change plans at the last minute like this? I can't cope, I feel like staging a sit-in protest. We start looking at Christmas decorations, even though we've got enough decorations to deck out Windsor Castle. 'I thought we were going to Sainsbury's' I complain. Just the look I get tells me to shut up or risk causing an argument. So I keep it to myself and my anxiety spikes.
On the way to Sainsbury's we stop in three more stores, by the end of which I'm feeling so confused I feel like crying. I start complaining and I get shouted at for being 'grumpy'.
No shopping is not for me.
This is just so interesting. The more I read on this forum, the more it feels like a jigsaw is dropping neatly into place.
The town where I grew up had a special fair at a particular time every Autumn. The streets were always jam-packed with people and market stalls. Being a child made it worse because you couldn't see over the crowd, even occasionally. You were hemmed-in and under siege.
I must have been quite young, maybe three or five, but I remember feelings of rage welling up that were only just controllable; of wanting to just shove complete strangers out of the way because it felt like everyone was on top of me and I couldn't breathe. I never did this, of course, because I internalised it and got upset rather than lashing out, but I suppose I have always had a kind of aversion to crowds. I'm not particularly claustrophobic, but I just don't want to be surrounded by loads of people. There is too much going on. I hate shopping at Christmas time, because even though I'm much older now I can still sense the echoes of those feelings from long ago. Perhaps this is why I tend to opt not to go anywhere; it is just too much hassle. This upsets my other half, who really wanted to go out and see the world. I suppose motorcycling suited me for the same reasons. No one talking in my ear, and the freedom to pass all the idiots queuing in their cars and clogging up the roads.
Modern houses are just terrible. Front doors that seem to open right onto the pavement. No front garden, so it feels like people walking by are in your front room; tiny rooms and postage stamp back gardens that makes it feel like we are all rats in an overcrowded cage.
Our local authority is building a LOT more houses in our area. If I had wanted to live in a built-up area, I would have moved into one.
Did I mention that after taking the AQ test I also did the EQ-60? My EQ-60 score was 6.
Additionally, I'm largely driven by logic - not my feelings, which I've been suppressing since the age of about ten.
This is perhaps why I've been able to accomplish what I have in my career to date; I've been able to force through necessary decisions dictated by the logic of a situation and the options available, when others would have been dithering over what people might have felt. On the other hand, I was also successful in management, because I always tried to treat people the way I would have wished to have been treated myself, and never tried to exploit anyone. This perhaps made me extremely predictable, but at the same time meant that people often felt they "knew where they were with DongFeng5". They knew I would typically take responsibility for something that went wrong, but ensure they got recognition when things went well.
My sense of humour hopefully shows through in the last line of the above post. I really did score a 6 on the EQ-60, and I am still dealing with the implications of that in my mind.
I think you're saying you don't do politics, or am I just projecting again?
I am also in a management position....the upside is as you say the skill set to follow routine, be reliable, honest, fair, logical and a har worker.
being managed however by illogical people is another thing though....which I struggle with....I like things black and white....clear rules....we have to achieve x, to do this means x, so if you can do this it’s and this, I will support by doing this, it needs to be done by this deadline.