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Masking?

Deleted user

Hi,

I am a teenage girl and I got diagnosed with autism a couple of weeks ago. I am aware that I mask and how this has had a negative effect on my mental health but I'm not sure really what to do about this. For one I've just joined a new college so I'm scared that if I stop masking I won't make friends and for two I'm not even sure how to stop masking and what I would be like whilst not masking- it sort of feels like a reflex at this point.

If anyone has any advice I'd appreciate it a lot Heart️

  • Hi and welcome to the community. 

    Here is an article from this website which may be useful:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/behaviour/masking

  • I am currently struggling with unmasking. I got a late diagnosis in my 30s earlier this year. I think it’s a really tough thing to make sense of immediately after a diagnosis. The progress I have been able to make is trying to understand how I can look after myself in situation where I mask whilst I’m not sure or ready to stop marking. For example, I’ve realised it’s really important for me to find time and space on my own. I am also trying to embrace and identify activities that help me to recover after masking. Now I feel I have some good resources in those areas it’s actually lead to me wanted to find more socialising opportunities which align better with these interests/activities and I’m hoping that I will find it easier to unmask in these situations. I’m not sure if this is helpful because im still navigating this myself but I hope it is! I’d also like to say that I’m sure you will make friends however you show up. I have found myself considering that to be a true friend someone needs to see the real you so they can know how to be your friend, we all deserve to have the kind of friendship where someone accepts and appreciates everything about you 

  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you that's really helpful.

  • in reply to Deleted user

    Yeah, it's bad being us because we don't get to do everything we want to. I have physically disabled friends with the same problem - we can all only do so much. Back at school I just had one best friend at a time. I guess that was all I could manage. When I fell out with one, I took up with another, and the three of us were eventaully in the same art group in 6th form when we were 16, and became our own group. Their boyfriends and another couple of outsiders joined us and it was nice. It just happened. You can only do what you can do. Try not to give it everything you have - save some time alone doing what you like by yourself. That way, you'll have more energy to do the social stuff.

  • in reply to Alexa

    Thanks for getting back to me. I've told my close friends from my old school and that was completely fine it's just because I've moved to a new school where I don't really know anyone. I know I need to put myself out there so that I can make friends (which I really want to do) but I end up exhausted from masking all the time. 

  • It's tough when you're frightened of losing people. Have you told anyone yet? Perhaps you could shed a bit of masking and take it in steps. Things like saying no to stuff where you know you'll have to mask even more. It's tough when you want to impress people and have a "normal" social life.