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Need advice for attending 1st funeral pls x

Calaveras

Hello, I'm autistic and am really stressed right now. My mums uncle died just after Xmas and tomorrow is his funeral, and I offered to go with my mum for support which is crazy because I can hardly look after myself. Lol.

So tomorrow at midday is the funeral and I'm obsessing over it like crazy because I've never been to a funeral before and have no idea what to expect and now my head has thoughts racing at like 100mph like how many people will there be, what if I have a meltdown, what if I have to talk to people...

So far the only positive thing I've come up with is sitting at the back of the church so if I feel a meltdown approach I can quickly step outside and get some air and ground myself. But the rest of it I'm so stressed about it and I can't stop worrying.

I hardly slept last night, and this morning I have a throbbing headache and have had acid reflux and nausea to contend with. Uggh I hate anxiety so much!!!

I would really appreciate some insight from other autistic people. Any ideas for getting through this horror would be more than appreciated!

Parents

  • I’ve been to half a dozen, from young to old, they’re all pretty much the same. Never done an Internment, only cremations. So, you congregate outside for a while whilst everybody arrives, then you get called in, you sit down and wait for a little bit. On the chair is usually the order of service. Then music will play, usually a meaningful song, and the coffin will be brought down to the front. Then the person conducting the funeral like the vicar will say stuff, members of the family may speak, usually there’s a moment of reflection where another piece of music is played, and you sit there just remembering, that bit I’ve always found the toughest. Then it’s a few more words and then you get ushered out row by row, and you might touch the coffin on the way out to pay your respects. What bit happen when is all written down on the order of service. From sitting down to leaving is usually 30 mins. 
    The service is about remembering them, the joy they brought to people’s lives etc. They won’t focus on the death itself like how they died or anything like that. 
    You’ll see all sorts of emotions when you’re there, sad obviously, calm, even people joking like it’s a normal day. 
    There is usually a lot of “hello I haven’t seen you for ages” sort of small talk crap, because funerals are those occasions when everybody sees each other again, promise to keep in touch and then disappear again. 
    I wish you the best.

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  • I’ve been to half a dozen, from young to old, they’re all pretty much the same. Never done an Internment, only cremations. So, you congregate outside for a while whilst everybody arrives, then you get called in, you sit down and wait for a little bit. On the chair is usually the order of service. Then music will play, usually a meaningful song, and the coffin will be brought down to the front. Then the person conducting the funeral like the vicar will say stuff, members of the family may speak, usually there’s a moment of reflection where another piece of music is played, and you sit there just remembering, that bit I’ve always found the toughest. Then it’s a few more words and then you get ushered out row by row, and you might touch the coffin on the way out to pay your respects. What bit happen when is all written down on the order of service. From sitting down to leaving is usually 30 mins. 
    The service is about remembering them, the joy they brought to people’s lives etc. They won’t focus on the death itself like how they died or anything like that. 
    You’ll see all sorts of emotions when you’re there, sad obviously, calm, even people joking like it’s a normal day. 
    There is usually a lot of “hello I haven’t seen you for ages” sort of small talk crap, because funerals are those occasions when everybody sees each other again, promise to keep in touch and then disappear again. 
    I wish you the best.

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