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Happy to be single?

Littlemissanxious

Hello everyone,

I have been single for the last 3 years and out of the 4 serious relationships I have been in 3 have been abusive in different ways. The most recent wasn't however he was just not very pleasant so I ended it. I now feel too scared to even think about another relationship,  to the point I make absolutely no effort to socialise with new people. Part of me feels sad about this as I am im my 40s and always just presumed I would meet "Mr Right" and that would be it. 

I just wondered do people find their autism/adhd a big barrier in relationships? I feel my issue is I am too trusting and I believe what people tell me. I always like to see the good in people even when it's clear that they do not really have good intentions.  I just sinply do not have the feeling of wanting anyone in my life other than my  wonderful children. Maybe I will just get a pet once my children are grown! 

Sorry for the ramble, I think honestly it's not so much that I am wanting a relationship,  more like I feel I "should" as that's the "norm" expected of me. Its tiring hearing the question "is anyone new on the scene ". I now just reply with a simple "no". 

Parents

  • In my case naivety and abuse was also common. But I have to say- I also enjoyed being single because only then I felt like I'm truly myself and no one else was interfering with my personality,  my interests and although part of me craved love, intimacy and affection, another part of me feared that and wanted just peace and my rich inner world. Now I'm with a man (husband), who gives me my space for being myself, its still challenging because of the toddler we have. I often used to fantasise about great and perfect love, usually platonic love, but sometimes also had some fantasies about intimacy. But in the real world its way different than in my inner world. Even sometimes the marriage I'm in seems not satisfying, but I know already, that it's just my inner world. I also recognise some schizoid traits in me- I mean schizoid personality disorder.

    For me being single was a very important period of my youth and I regret, that I didn't enjoy it more at that time. But then I was worried, that there is something wrong with me (haha) and compared myself to others, also got often compared to others and told "whats wrong with you" or "you just need to..." and I was pushed by others to find someone finally. 

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  • In my case naivety and abuse was also common. But I have to say- I also enjoyed being single because only then I felt like I'm truly myself and no one else was interfering with my personality,  my interests and although part of me craved love, intimacy and affection, another part of me feared that and wanted just peace and my rich inner world. Now I'm with a man (husband), who gives me my space for being myself, its still challenging because of the toddler we have. I often used to fantasise about great and perfect love, usually platonic love, but sometimes also had some fantasies about intimacy. But in the real world its way different than in my inner world. Even sometimes the marriage I'm in seems not satisfying, but I know already, that it's just my inner world. I also recognise some schizoid traits in me- I mean schizoid personality disorder.

    For me being single was a very important period of my youth and I regret, that I didn't enjoy it more at that time. But then I was worried, that there is something wrong with me (haha) and compared myself to others, also got often compared to others and told "whats wrong with you" or "you just need to..." and I was pushed by others to find someone finally. 

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