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Happy to be single?

Littlemissanxious

Hello everyone,

I have been single for the last 3 years and out of the 4 serious relationships I have been in 3 have been abusive in different ways. The most recent wasn't however he was just not very pleasant so I ended it. I now feel too scared to even think about another relationship,  to the point I make absolutely no effort to socialise with new people. Part of me feels sad about this as I am im my 40s and always just presumed I would meet "Mr Right" and that would be it. 

I just wondered do people find their autism/adhd a big barrier in relationships? I feel my issue is I am too trusting and I believe what people tell me. I always like to see the good in people even when it's clear that they do not really have good intentions.  I just sinply do not have the feeling of wanting anyone in my life other than my  wonderful children. Maybe I will just get a pet once my children are grown! 

Sorry for the ramble, I think honestly it's not so much that I am wanting a relationship,  more like I feel I "should" as that's the "norm" expected of me. Its tiring hearing the question "is anyone new on the scene ". I now just reply with a simple "no". 

Parents
  • Littlemissanxious said:
    I now feel too scared to even think about another relationship,  to the point I make absolutely no effort to socialise with new people.

    This could be considered an analogy to something like "I had a few apples that I found worms in and I'm not going to eat an apple ever again".

    There is a lot to be lost potentially if you avoid relationships so you need to think of the good bits and whether they are worth seeking out again.

    What would help I suspect if learning to be more assertive and able to stand up for what you want without being threatening. Relationships do take a lot of work to keep fresh but they can provide so much companionship, respect, love, naughtiness and friendship from someone who really gets you.

    A therapist would be the ideal person to give this training and help you practice it, but only if you want to of course.

    The dating scene is a good place to filter the "applicants" and this is where to set your requirements, assess the candidates and be fairly ruthless in cutting off the ones with red flags. It could be a slow process with the complication of having children already but I'm sure there will still be plenty of men interested.

    Apps can be a bit of a meat market but can be effective in separating out the less desirables before even chatting with them.

    Littlemissanxious said:
    I think honestly it's not so much that I am wanting a relationship,  more like I feel I "should"

    Do you want more of the best bits of your previous relationships? The closeness, the excitement, the passion and someone who can surprise you with flowers for example? If you don't want any of that then best stay as you are, but these things can be hard to leave behind in life.

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  • Littlemissanxious said:
    I now feel too scared to even think about another relationship,  to the point I make absolutely no effort to socialise with new people.

    This could be considered an analogy to something like "I had a few apples that I found worms in and I'm not going to eat an apple ever again".

    There is a lot to be lost potentially if you avoid relationships so you need to think of the good bits and whether they are worth seeking out again.

    What would help I suspect if learning to be more assertive and able to stand up for what you want without being threatening. Relationships do take a lot of work to keep fresh but they can provide so much companionship, respect, love, naughtiness and friendship from someone who really gets you.

    A therapist would be the ideal person to give this training and help you practice it, but only if you want to of course.

    The dating scene is a good place to filter the "applicants" and this is where to set your requirements, assess the candidates and be fairly ruthless in cutting off the ones with red flags. It could be a slow process with the complication of having children already but I'm sure there will still be plenty of men interested.

    Apps can be a bit of a meat market but can be effective in separating out the less desirables before even chatting with them.

    Littlemissanxious said:
    I think honestly it's not so much that I am wanting a relationship,  more like I feel I "should"

    Do you want more of the best bits of your previous relationships? The closeness, the excitement, the passion and someone who can surprise you with flowers for example? If you don't want any of that then best stay as you are, but these things can be hard to leave behind in life.

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