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Am I autistic enough

CROSE88

I've recently been late diagnosed as autistic (im 32) after years of wondering and I feel like a fraud. I wanted a formal diagnosis as I just didn't feel 100% sure if I was autistic or not and I wanted a professional to give me a yes or no, but now I've got the diagnosis I don't feel any better. I thought this would put an end to the imposter syndrome but if anything it feels worse - im convinced I managed to lie to and trick my assessor into giving me a diagnosis when I didn't need one. 

Im also now seeng so much of my life with more clarity but there are still parts im struggling with and I don't feel like I am autistic enough - I know I mask well but I feel because my needs are not as debilitating as others I don't deserve the diagnosis.

The irony is I am a mental health professional who specialises in working with Autistic children and young people - I KNOW autism well and understand the psychology around the challenges it can present, but I just don't feel able to apply that to my situation.

Is this normal post diagnosis to feel like a fraud? Does it go away with time? And are there ways to begin accepting that your autism is enough?

Parents

  • It's very common here, I saw already quite many such postings in thus forum. I think that I would be the same if I get tge official diagnosis,  that's why I'm not sure if it's good idea to go for it. Even the strong suspicion that im autistic (or as some say- self diagnosis) make me feel somehow uncomfortable,  because earlier I thought, that im tge only weirdo in this whole world stimming with my hands. Now I suddenly realised,  there are many people who do same things. So now as I stimm like always,  for example reading something interesting,  I find myself feeling bad with it, I started fearing that others recognise that im autistic,  when they see me stimming with my fingers and hands, rocking or bouncing my legs etc. 

    When I'm home, I feel myself and kind if normal, but it's enough for me to go out and I sense it strongly that I'm profoundly different than others. And not only different,  but also inferior.  I took my daughter today to a shopping gallery because there was a party with Elsa and Olaf and my daughter was excited and happy. But I feel exhausted and even there I felt like an alien in the crowd of humans,  which is not new to me of course, but very unpleasant. 

    So on one hand I would like to be sure 100% if my life long symptoms come from autism or something else,  but I'm afraid of being stuck with this diagnosis for ever in case if the diagnosticians tell me that I'm autistic.  And I'm sure I would freak out to make sure that it was the right diagnosis. 

    Ps. Congratulations on getting your confirmation!

Reply

  • It's very common here, I saw already quite many such postings in thus forum. I think that I would be the same if I get tge official diagnosis,  that's why I'm not sure if it's good idea to go for it. Even the strong suspicion that im autistic (or as some say- self diagnosis) make me feel somehow uncomfortable,  because earlier I thought, that im tge only weirdo in this whole world stimming with my hands. Now I suddenly realised,  there are many people who do same things. So now as I stimm like always,  for example reading something interesting,  I find myself feeling bad with it, I started fearing that others recognise that im autistic,  when they see me stimming with my fingers and hands, rocking or bouncing my legs etc. 

    When I'm home, I feel myself and kind if normal, but it's enough for me to go out and I sense it strongly that I'm profoundly different than others. And not only different,  but also inferior.  I took my daughter today to a shopping gallery because there was a party with Elsa and Olaf and my daughter was excited and happy. But I feel exhausted and even there I felt like an alien in the crowd of humans,  which is not new to me of course, but very unpleasant. 

    So on one hand I would like to be sure 100% if my life long symptoms come from autism or something else,  but I'm afraid of being stuck with this diagnosis for ever in case if the diagnosticians tell me that I'm autistic.  And I'm sure I would freak out to make sure that it was the right diagnosis. 

    Ps. Congratulations on getting your confirmation!

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