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Am I autistic enough

CROSE88

I've recently been late diagnosed as autistic (im 32) after years of wondering and I feel like a fraud. I wanted a formal diagnosis as I just didn't feel 100% sure if I was autistic or not and I wanted a professional to give me a yes or no, but now I've got the diagnosis I don't feel any better. I thought this would put an end to the imposter syndrome but if anything it feels worse - im convinced I managed to lie to and trick my assessor into giving me a diagnosis when I didn't need one. 

Im also now seeng so much of my life with more clarity but there are still parts im struggling with and I don't feel like I am autistic enough - I know I mask well but I feel because my needs are not as debilitating as others I don't deserve the diagnosis.

The irony is I am a mental health professional who specialises in working with Autistic children and young people - I KNOW autism well and understand the psychology around the challenges it can present, but I just don't feel able to apply that to my situation.

Is this normal post diagnosis to feel like a fraud? Does it go away with time? And are there ways to begin accepting that your autism is enough?

Parents

  • It's not a competition; it's a spectrum. Different Autistic people experience things in different ways at different times in different situations. Your Autistic experience is unique. Your brain just has differences from the average non-Autistic brain in areas that overlap with other Autistic brains—differences in socialising, communicating, thinking and behaving—hence your diagnosis. Just because you don't socialise, communicate, think or behave exactly like another Autistic person, doesn't mean you're not Autistic. Don't worry that you don't have a meltdown when your peas touch your carrots, or when someone gives you a hug, or when you hear the word "moist". Those are not prerequisites for being Autistic.

    I find that over time I'm beginning to feel less like an impostor and more "properly" Autistic. For example, I stopped bracing myself before entering public spaces and suddenly started to feel how stressful I was finding the noise level. Before, I still had the stress, but I didn't associate it with noise. Now I wear headphones and I feel much more relaxed.

  • in reply to Damojo

    Im hoping over time I will be able to feel less like an imposter too, i've only been diagnosed this week so its all still very fresh

  • in reply to CROSE88

    Hey, I was diagnosed 23 years ago and it's still very fresh! That's mostly because I spent the first 22 years refusing to accept it. I didn't seek the Autism diagnosis, I thought I was ADHD only, but it turned out I was ADHD also. "No thanks, mate, I'll just take the ADHD. Besides, you're only saying I'm Autistic because you know I work in IT. Typical bloody prejudice!"

    My problem was that I didn't know anything about Autism beyond Rain Man and non-speaking kids with learning difficulties. When I finally got around to educating myself (during a crisis), I finally had my "Eureka!" moment. Now I get it.

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  • in reply to CROSE88

    Hey, I was diagnosed 23 years ago and it's still very fresh! That's mostly because I spent the first 22 years refusing to accept it. I didn't seek the Autism diagnosis, I thought I was ADHD only, but it turned out I was ADHD also. "No thanks, mate, I'll just take the ADHD. Besides, you're only saying I'm Autistic because you know I work in IT. Typical bloody prejudice!"

    My problem was that I didn't know anything about Autism beyond Rain Man and non-speaking kids with learning difficulties. When I finally got around to educating myself (during a crisis), I finally had my "Eureka!" moment. Now I get it.

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