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Am I autistic enough

CROSE88

I've recently been late diagnosed as autistic (im 32) after years of wondering and I feel like a fraud. I wanted a formal diagnosis as I just didn't feel 100% sure if I was autistic or not and I wanted a professional to give me a yes or no, but now I've got the diagnosis I don't feel any better. I thought this would put an end to the imposter syndrome but if anything it feels worse - im convinced I managed to lie to and trick my assessor into giving me a diagnosis when I didn't need one. 

Im also now seeng so much of my life with more clarity but there are still parts im struggling with and I don't feel like I am autistic enough - I know I mask well but I feel because my needs are not as debilitating as others I don't deserve the diagnosis.

The irony is I am a mental health professional who specialises in working with Autistic children and young people - I KNOW autism well and understand the psychology around the challenges it can present, but I just don't feel able to apply that to my situation.

Is this normal post diagnosis to feel like a fraud? Does it go away with time? And are there ways to begin accepting that your autism is enough?

Parents

  • I also thought I would feel somehow different after my diagnosis, obviously I am still the same person, importantly I know why I’m different. My own sister was working with autistic children when I told her of my autism suspicions, the reply was, “no, I don’t see it, I work with autistic children and you are nothing like them”  

    The children you work with most probably are able to express their autistic selves, they don’t have to hide stims or general reactions to situations. Like many of us you have had to mask heavily to fit it. You also probably don’t recognise yourself yet in their behaviour.

    I was waiting at the end of my assessment to be told I wasn’t autistic, apparently the assessors had already decided the diagnosis when we took the first break. The feedback was that I had built a suitable world around me, 50+ years of masking makes a person very good at it. I still don’t see a lot of my general functioning as autistic, when I saw in writing how they had interpreted it, I was quite shocked. The  hard copy of my report came this week, I’m still unable to read all of it. I suppose time is how we unravel it all. 

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  • I also thought I would feel somehow different after my diagnosis, obviously I am still the same person, importantly I know why I’m different. My own sister was working with autistic children when I told her of my autism suspicions, the reply was, “no, I don’t see it, I work with autistic children and you are nothing like them”  

    The children you work with most probably are able to express their autistic selves, they don’t have to hide stims or general reactions to situations. Like many of us you have had to mask heavily to fit it. You also probably don’t recognise yourself yet in their behaviour.

    I was waiting at the end of my assessment to be told I wasn’t autistic, apparently the assessors had already decided the diagnosis when we took the first break. The feedback was that I had built a suitable world around me, 50+ years of masking makes a person very good at it. I still don’t see a lot of my general functioning as autistic, when I saw in writing how they had interpreted it, I was quite shocked. The  hard copy of my report came this week, I’m still unable to read all of it. I suppose time is how we unravel it all. 

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