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Am I autistic enough

CROSE88

I've recently been late diagnosed as autistic (im 32) after years of wondering and I feel like a fraud. I wanted a formal diagnosis as I just didn't feel 100% sure if I was autistic or not and I wanted a professional to give me a yes or no, but now I've got the diagnosis I don't feel any better. I thought this would put an end to the imposter syndrome but if anything it feels worse - im convinced I managed to lie to and trick my assessor into giving me a diagnosis when I didn't need one. 

Im also now seeng so much of my life with more clarity but there are still parts im struggling with and I don't feel like I am autistic enough - I know I mask well but I feel because my needs are not as debilitating as others I don't deserve the diagnosis.

The irony is I am a mental health professional who specialises in working with Autistic children and young people - I KNOW autism well and understand the psychology around the challenges it can present, but I just don't feel able to apply that to my situation.

Is this normal post diagnosis to feel like a fraud? Does it go away with time? And are there ways to begin accepting that your autism is enough?

Parents

  • If you have your diagnosis report, imagine this was for someone else. If you read it what would you think?

    I don't think I am autistic enough, but if you read my report you'd have little doubt.

    I can see other people struggle but can't see issues with myself, or I justify them. I minimise my struggles, because I always have. I have developed skills to avoid problems and hide things.

    It is strange that you don't see it in yourself but can see it in others, I don't really understand this about myself. I also wondered if I fooled the assessors, I have even asked them a few days ago. But  I know what they are going to say.

    I assume it is part of the acceptance process.

Reply

  • If you have your diagnosis report, imagine this was for someone else. If you read it what would you think?

    I don't think I am autistic enough, but if you read my report you'd have little doubt.

    I can see other people struggle but can't see issues with myself, or I justify them. I minimise my struggles, because I always have. I have developed skills to avoid problems and hide things.

    It is strange that you don't see it in yourself but can see it in others, I don't really understand this about myself. I also wondered if I fooled the assessors, I have even asked them a few days ago. But  I know what they are going to say.

    I assume it is part of the acceptance process.

Children
  • in reply to Stuart333
    Stuart333 said:
    I can see other people struggle but can't see issues with myself, or I justify them. I minimise my struggles, because I always have. I have developed skills to avoid problems and hide things.

    This is whats confusing me the most, I can always see the traits in others and spend my whole time reassuring and supporting autistic people with their needs but when I look in the mirror I just dont see them in myself. 

    Like I must have been masking for my whole life but how do you even start to take that off? Am I in denial or have I just built up such a bit wall

  • in reply to Stuart333
    Stuart333 said:

    I can see other people struggle but can't see issues with myself, or I justify them. I minimise my struggles, because I always have. I have developed skills to avoid problems and hide things.

    Amen.

    It's going to take time—years—to see through all the self-obfuscation and find the real you in there somewhere.