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Impending "change of life"

Deleted User

I'm trying to tap into different resources. I have tried, several times to post on here over the past few months but have been unable to do so due to my own resistance.

It is apparent now, I am in the pre "change of life" phase. I don't need a doctor to tell me this. I am ahead of my peers on this matter and have difficulty discussing my problems anyway.

What I am struggling with, is confusion because there are a)no patterns to when I experience symptoms, b)experience some things which are slightly a-typical and possibly linked to being neurodivergent c)experience symptoms for a while which then go away for a long time (extreme sound sensitivity being a major one).

The mental resilience which I have built up over the past few years to get me through life, which often is a cognitive process seems to be dwindling recently and this bothers me. I thought I had built strong foundations since burnout but not being able to identify patterns which would help me understand what's happening is leaving me confused.

And it's the confusion which is causing me the biggest problem.

I am not going to the GP. I have already read the NAS links and didn't find them helpful. I do what I'm supposed to pertaining to lifestyle choices. I'm quite self sufficient when it comes to dealing with myself.

I suppose I'm asking : due to the way we process the world, (alexithymia,  difference in interoception etc) have other women found this stage of life (potentially more) confusing? Due to communication and social issues, have you found it difficult to talk to or reach out or explain to others (be it formally to health professionals or informally to friends)?

I'm not really after any concrete answers. I'm hoping posting this might help with some sort of clarity. There's a chance I might end up deleting this.

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I am completely on board with what you say and am not averse to sitting with negative emotions. I do try and sit with the discomfort of the above. I suppose I'm trying to say .....when being aware of what makes me tick I am able to let it go or sit outside of it. I suppose it's the confusion and discomfort from random fluctuations I need to practise on as this is a difficult one! I do see these uncomfortable situations as something to work into practice. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Just to say: I think the aim of mindfulness (which I’ve also been practicing) is not to control our inner state but more to observe it - so I suppose you can aim to observe feeling ‘completely thrown’…….and be less thrown by it! Blush

  • Thank you for the replies. I do go into "worst case scenario" especially when in despair and it's been useful to read the comments. I've wondered this week if I'm even actually at that stage of life yet. It's not "full blown" M word....and it might be something else. I don't feel I'm at the cliff edge yet as depicted on the graph but you never know. 

    I think just generally,  my point about communication, social circles, GP etc still stands as it's about working out Wtf is going on.

    The thing which seemed to bother me when posting originally was lack of control over my own inner state... after a sustained period practising mindfulness and being more aware of what makes me tick, i have experienced being completely thrown for no reason. 

    Maybe it's simply age and I'm being a bit dramatic.

  • I have definitely been experiencing the impact of perimenopause/menopause over the last 4 years or so. I didn’t want to take HRT so I’ve just been trying to manage basically. I’ve been experiencing a reduction in confidence, more anxiety issues, a lot of confusion about what I want to do in my life and difficulty making choices. Some hot flushes but nothing extreme in terms of that thankfully. Some depressive days. But it’s also coincided with my parents being ill and dying - and sometimes it’s hard to work out the interactions between life events and hormones and what is causing what symptom. Obviously I’ve never found life easy due to being autistic - but I think life feels harder recently. It’s not easy to say the least. I suspect that being autistic possibly exacerbates menopausal issues in many ways. Sorry - this isn’t a very positive reply! I find that if I can have a peaceful existence I’m actually ok most of the time - but add any stress and I soon do not do well at all. I hope you can find things that help you through the symptoms and issues that menopause presents. 

  • Unfortunately the hormone levels don’t decrease in a linear fashion so there can be large fluctuations which cause the symptoms. I found this graph when I started looking into how to streamline my doctoral thesis topic which surprised me a bit of just how erratic it can be. I’m not quite at that stage of life yet so I don’t have any personal experience with symptoms, I’m hoping I won’t go back to the levels of rage I had whilst heavily pregnant and breastfeeding! I cringe now to think about it, so embarrassing

  • Menopause is adolescence in reverse, mood swings come and go with no rhyme or reason, hot flushes happen at the most inconvienient times and brain fog can increase. I don't think there are any patterns to it, although you maybe able identify foods and drinks that bring on hot flushes, or certain times of day or night that makes things worse.

    I went to a medical herbalist and she made me a personalised brew that helped with a lot of the symptoms, the good thing about having such a personalised brew is that it can be altered and isn't such a one size fits all blunt instrument. Unfortunately menopause is one of those things you just have to sit out, there are things that can help, but it will get better and life after menopause is great, theres so much more clarity to ones thinking and feeling afterwards.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thank you. I found this rather quite helpful in terms of it relating to what I've posted above. 

  • Snap.  This explains what I've been trying to for months.