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Late diagnosed

Chloe1980

Hello

I've just been diagnosed with Autism but told my family about a year ago I was going for it, got my adhd diagnosis April 2024. I don't know if it's just me but I feel my family have been so dismissive, to me this is life changing, I've had poor mental health my whole life with quite serious epsiodes that my famly know about and the person that has reacted the absolute worst is my own mother, people who reacted the best, my undiagnosed neurodivergent friends that Ive known since childhood.

I've had alot of comments like 'everyone has problems' 'everyone is a little bit ADHD' to purely just ignoring it, like one perosn I know said 'Ha! interesting" like am I going mad? I don't think, in fact I know if someone opened up to me and told me that I would see the enormatity of it. My Mum also won't acknowledge my comments about my daugher having it either. We just had an argument as I opened up and said she was upsetting me with her lack of interest and she flew off the handle and said everyone has problems and that why am I always so sensitive and I havent even asked how she is lately. Some people I've told and theyve simply not got back to me.

Is this a common occurance?

Parents

  • Hello Chloe, 

    I've had a similar experience and was also recently diagnosed as Autistic.  In hindsight, I think my expectations for people's reactions and responses were unrealistic. It's such a big and life changing event for us but they can't necessarily see that and it might have come as a shock which would affect their response too.

    I wonder with parents sometimes, if they may feel guilty or responsible. Your mum might want to brush it under the carpet while she digests the information. She knows you've had challenges and that you have sought out support and your diagnosis without her help and that might sting a bit. 

    When people don't get back to you sometimes they don't know what to say and sometimes (if you've sent a message) they are waiting to respond in person. (I sent my friend a message about it and then I was huffing and puffing because she didn't really respond with much and kind of changed the subject but then when I saw her in person she was really lovely and understanding about it.)

    This community here is probably the best place for support because there's an understanding about the enormity of it and no one will say 'we all have problems.' (I think that comment is particularly upsetting! It's so diminishing.)

    I guess the bottom line is, try not to focus on other people's opinions. You don't have to justify who you are to anyone and if they don't believe or understand you, that's their problem.  

Reply

  • Hello Chloe, 

    I've had a similar experience and was also recently diagnosed as Autistic.  In hindsight, I think my expectations for people's reactions and responses were unrealistic. It's such a big and life changing event for us but they can't necessarily see that and it might have come as a shock which would affect their response too.

    I wonder with parents sometimes, if they may feel guilty or responsible. Your mum might want to brush it under the carpet while she digests the information. She knows you've had challenges and that you have sought out support and your diagnosis without her help and that might sting a bit. 

    When people don't get back to you sometimes they don't know what to say and sometimes (if you've sent a message) they are waiting to respond in person. (I sent my friend a message about it and then I was huffing and puffing because she didn't really respond with much and kind of changed the subject but then when I saw her in person she was really lovely and understanding about it.)

    This community here is probably the best place for support because there's an understanding about the enormity of it and no one will say 'we all have problems.' (I think that comment is particularly upsetting! It's so diminishing.)

    I guess the bottom line is, try not to focus on other people's opinions. You don't have to justify who you are to anyone and if they don't believe or understand you, that's their problem.  

Children
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