Should this room be private

The name of this room is Women and girls, so why are men able to see it and post in it? I know nothing on the internet is really private and that anybody can create a profile, but can't we have at least an illusion of privacy? I'm surprised that NAS has a room called Women and girls which is public, why bother with it at all?

Personally I would like a female only space, men could have a men only space too. I've just known to many men who get their jollies reading about things like periods.

  • I'm unlucky enough to work in IT, I can clear a bar, send a whole room to sleep or empty a party simply by starting to talk about my job. Rofl

  • I didn't realise there was a difference between chat rooms and what we have on here, but then you could probably inscribe what I know about computers and computing on thumb nail and have room to spare, lol

  • Its best to see  them more as "categories" than "rooms" given they're all open. They're not like chat rooms of the old days where they were separate entities. Most forum software just assigns a category or type to allow people to find relevant content and filter it from a single view, rather than to segregate areas off.

  • I look at most recently posted too, having seperate rooms here seems a bit odd, I mostly post in misc and chat, or sometimes adults, I don't go to the different rooms either.

  • It's worth knowing that all new posts appear in the same list in "recent posts and activity " regardless of which sub topic they're posted in, hence why I saw this one too, I just look there as it's easier, I never go into specific topic sections.

  • I enjoyed this reply given its balanced and open minded nature. Some bits made me frown and others made me nod. Thank you The Catwoman for writing it.

    I think on a forum such as this it would be impossible to police and ensure that only women were able to see posts specifically of a private nature for women only and vice versa . Some people of a different gender may be curious and a very limited amount may have malicious or perverted intent, but from what I've seen of the regular posters here as long as the person puts a disclaimer at the top to the effects of "I'd like to hear opinions from 'women/men/insert other gender' only please" then it's reliant on the person's integrity and I feel that most would respect that. Failing that then it's probably best not to post your most private questions on a public forum. This is why it's anonymous and for good reason.

    Thankfully on this forum we are protected from actual bodily harm and we have the option to not present or share if we don't feel safe. According to the law that the despicable JKR has just thrown her millions at, it's now illegal for transgender women to enter women's changing rooms and vice versa with transgender men. All this has now done is make women feel less safe. If a man wants to enter a women's changing room with the intent to harm or cause distress he's not going to take any notice of a sign saying women only, and I can't see him dressing as a woman to do it. It risks transgender men being assaulted in mens changing rooms (far more likely) and it risks cisgender women being strip searched, questioned or made to feel uncomfortable for not looking female enough by whoever's standard. The latter has definitely happened and we don't hear enough about transgender men and their concerns.

    I briefly trained a transgender man at work and he entered the women's changing room after our workout, assuming because he didn't feel safe or comfortable in a men's changing room as a pre-op trans man.

    I do feel lucky that given the nature of the people who post in this forum we're more likely to find a higher level of integrity, intelligence and compassion than we would in certain other spaces.

  • Because we don't live in a world where things like gender and sexual orientation don't matter.

    Because we do live in a world where men being able to see somethings, enter some places is a problem.

    Mostly I'm just asking what people think of having a room thats called Women and girls, thats not exclusively theres because its open to all?

    I think cisgender is often used in a derogatory way.

  • Cisgender is a description just the same as Transgender, or Neurotypical compared to Neurodivergent, Disability, and any of those terms can be used in a harmful way but they in themselves are not negative.

    "I wish we could get to a state of being where we didn't have to pigeon hole ourselves and others where we could just be people."

    Not have to pigeon hole and just be people . . . but have a private area for the women's section that would require identifying a specific way and not just being a person.

    "I never post anything online that I don't want in the public domain, I might be old and autistic, but I'm not stupid, lol"

    What is the issue of a man seeing it then?
  • I really hate the term cisgender, it seems to be a semi insult to those of us who choose to remain the gender we were asigned at birth. The way that it's increasingly being written about seem presume ignorance that we can change our gender and that we must all be anti trans. I know and have been taught by trans people, I don't actually have a problem with trans people, it must be awful to have been born into a body that dosen't fit. One of my school friends has a long clitoris when she was born and her parents were told she was a boy, then they found out she was a girl and all thw questions and ignorance came out, this was 1962, a time when many parents who's babies sex counldn't be determined were told to bring the child up as their preferred gender, so much trauma came out of this. All this was before we could look into a persons biology and prove that there more than an X and Y chromasome, there are so many variations and thats just on a physical level, on a spiritual one it must be horrible as theres even more prejudice to overcome.

    I wish we could get to a state of being where we didn't have to pigeon hole ourselves and others where we could just be people. To be honest what someones gender or orientation or whatever tends to right over my head, it dosen't bother me most of the time, but there are some occaisions when it does and I'd like the respect afforded to me that I do my best to afford to everyone else.

    I never post anything online that I don't want in the public domain, I might be old and autistic, but I'm not stupid, lol

  • Only allowing women would prevent a trans or nonbinary person who may, for example, menstruate from having the resource the women do. Would make anyone who wasn't cisgender female feel discluded.
    To set up would require more steps in sign-up as well as a more complicated forum which both could be inaccessible to some.

    "I've been on other sites that have gender designated spaces, that have been prone to male members creating female avatars just as they can come in and see whats going on"

    What would prevent the same thing from happening here? 
    Maybe do not make a post about a topic or include information that you would be uncomfortable with a man reading.

    "72 genders? Wow Where did that comes from?"

    There is no set number of genders and even biological sex is more diverse than male and female. 
    Cisgender woman, Cisgender man, Intersex, Transgender woman, Transgender man, Transfem, Transmasc, Non-binary, Gender-fluid, Genderqueer, Agender, Demi-girl, Demi-boy, Demi-gender, Gender-flux, Bigender, 2-spirit, Neuro-genders, and many more.
  • There are indeed 72 genders.  I am not able to list them all, without help from Google.  I think we could surmise there could well be more, ultimately. 

    Some parts of the world accept the right of the individual to determine their own gender, others don't.  Clearly it is much easier to have a blanket open-door policy rather than to start filtering who can come in to certain parts of the forum here - especially when our behavioural / cultural / gender norms aren't the same as many other nations who can freely access this forum. 

    I don't see that having a M or F icon works.  What icon does one pick if your gender is fluid, or if you register as one gender & subsequently wish to change?  

    I do accept that these characters you speak of - that deliberately enter a forum or discussion chamber in order to essentially discuss a F topic for kicks rather than altruistic reasons are warped.  I hope there's no evidence here, yet I accept that it COULD happen given the fact anyone can view this place. 

    I don't follow their logic.  I don't see why they'd get pleasure from pretending to be F to engage / view in that sort of debate when they can surely pick up some science based course elsewhere if truly desperate, but then I am not operating with that level of depravity. 

    In many scenarios now, we have the option to tick a box marked 'prefer not to say' - but of course this would not help in the slightest if we were trying to work out who could view or participate in certain discussions.  People would have to commit, and as you point out, some don't want to - and that is a valid choice - just as it is for others to reveal their chosen gender. 

  • It would be difficult to enforce, I've been on other sites that have gender designated spaces, that have been prone to male members creating female avatars just as they can come in and see whats going on, we used to call them "frilly knickers" and wonder why they wanted to come and read about how heavy someones period was?

    72 genders? Wow Where did that comes from?

    I was just raising it as an idea, if the room is open to everybody, as it is then why designate it as women and girls? If people want to talk about how things effect women in particular then there's the health and well being room or autistic adults.

    It can be helpful for men to understand more about women, but sometimes it's not, this is going to cause upset, but I'm going to say it anyway, some men take a perverse sort of pleasure in knowing about things like periods and reproductive health and can use that knowlege as a means of coersive control, something I've experienced myself and so not just an abstract concept.

    I like the idea of transparency, but sometimes it seem to lead to less understanding and not more, some people will always feel left out and strive to stop others having areas to themselves, this is something that confuses me? If I was having a conversation with a group of friends in a pub or cafe and someone came along and insisted that we were being exclusive and they had to be included or we were being discriminatory by not having an "open" discussion then not only would it be very awkward, but it would be rude, very rude and they'd probably be told to go an do something with lots of F's and B's.

    Some people have problems with being asked to tick a gender box, other have a problem with not being asked to tick one, and some like me have a problem with it sometimes but not all the time. It's not about being anti men or anything, it's jsut there are some things I feel more comfortable talking about in a female only space. I presume the same for men and there are somethings they'd be happier talking about in a male only environment?

  • I understood the ‘Women and girls’  section to be for the benefit of those who are searching for posts about things peculiar to women and girls, eg, pregnancy, periods, menopause, clothes. A woman might want to post about themselves or a daughter under 18 years old and the space might attract those who are interested in women’s issues. 

    can't we have at least an illusion of privacy?

    I don’t want an illusion of privacy. I want to know the actuality of the forum in which I participate. 

    Why would it be a good idea for the forum to be designed to deceive the user? Transparency is essential.

  • The entire forum is visible the world over - including the 'Women and Girls' section.  

    I'd imagine that the moment you start asking people to define their gender on entry, you open up other complications.   We now have 72 genders to consider, not two.  

    Other countries may have different systems, protocols and sensibilities to take into account here - we should surely be looking at the interests of those with Autism wherever they may reside.   

    Who would be the gatekeeper if we were to limit access - or limit posting ability?  What happens if someone wishes to change their gender, as can occur?   

    For instance - I am aware of a person who has changed their defined gender several times over the past 12 months, and would have a problem ticking a box marked either Male or Female.  What happens to someone like that?  Is there to be an 'Other' box?  Wouldn't that defeat the purpose somewhat?  

    I wasn't aware there was a particular issue with those not defining as Women posting in that section or being inappropriate in some way - in fact that part of the forum doesn't seem well used (!)   Perhaps you infer that if it were a private group, it would be used more?

    I am reminded of a very well known political party that had to have a Women's group in each branch.  When these were not set-up there was often an outcry, but quite often, it was more about having the group than actually using it - sometimes they were so poorly attended they were unable to form a quorum (enough people present to make the meeting valid).  

    I'd also concur with the comment made by   that barring some from an area of the forum would limit awareness going forward, and would also have the unfortunate effect of stopping those not defining as Women from giving their insights if they had - for instance - experience in a caring capacity for Women or Girls with ASD or other related conditions.

    Again, I am not seeking to invalidate either.   I'm merely trying to examine practicalities.

  • Hiya, while I can see why you'd want that space and I completely agree that a women only space would useful for many reasons, I do feel it's helpful for men to understand the struggles women face and raise a bit of awareness around women's issues, safety, equality etc.

    Honestly not wanting to invalidate. These are just my own thoughts. I agree with your point and safety/privacy should be provided.