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Relationship problems

NAS66923

Hello,

Me and my husband aren’t getting along. I’m so emotionally drained because I feel like he is being the unreasonable one! 
I was diagnosed with autism at 43 (2years ago) and I am awaiting for assessment for ADHD (app next week). 
I do not work because of my mental health (anxiety and depression) and I do struggle daily with minor tasks. 

My husband has known about my issues for a while and he was the one who encouraged me to get assessed for autism but he is now saying that I have got worse since my diagnosis and that I’m making excuses for my behaviour. 

I do not agree at all. I believe that he thought that as soon as I got a diagnosis, then I would be ok if that makes sense? I try to get him to watch online educational videos with people with ADHD to explain why I think I have this condition too as I was made aware in my autism assessment that I had many of the traits of ADHD. 

If I get a diagnosis of adhd next week, I will definitely be asking to take the medication as I feel like this would definitely help me cope better with my issues but until then I just feel like every day is the same. My head is scrambled and now I feel like I have no support from my husband. 

He has flat right refused to educate himself and he uses the sort of language that I find offensive (everyone is a bit autistic or a bit adhd). Does anyone else have these difficulties or is it me that’s the problem? 

I am very emotional at the moment and really not sure if I should even send this post. 

Thanks

Parents

  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, and I hope you've got friends or family around to support you.

    I had an autism diagnosis at 48, and my ex had a similar reaction. For me, it got harder to mask as I got older and hormones will also add to this. The autism diagnosis meant I could finally accept who I really was, which meant I started to stop masking. My partner didn't like this and thought I was playing at being autistic. Getting an autism diagnosis isn't a fix, it's the start of a journey of learning to be yourself and no-one should make you feel silenced. 

    Sending you virtual hugs and I hope with time, your husband educates himself and learns how he can support you in this journey. Could you try getting some couples counselling to help through this tricky time?

    Best wishes, and no wonder you're feeling emotional.

    Leni x

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  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, and I hope you've got friends or family around to support you.

    I had an autism diagnosis at 48, and my ex had a similar reaction. For me, it got harder to mask as I got older and hormones will also add to this. The autism diagnosis meant I could finally accept who I really was, which meant I started to stop masking. My partner didn't like this and thought I was playing at being autistic. Getting an autism diagnosis isn't a fix, it's the start of a journey of learning to be yourself and no-one should make you feel silenced. 

    Sending you virtual hugs and I hope with time, your husband educates himself and learns how he can support you in this journey. Could you try getting some couples counselling to help through this tricky time?

    Best wishes, and no wonder you're feeling emotional.

    Leni x

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