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15 year old at crisis point

NAS88650

Please can I ask for some help please.  My daughter is 15 she has been on the pathway for about 21 months now.  Her mental health has deteriorated massively in the last 12 months.  She currently spends every day in her room, in the dark.  She may sometimes come downstairs for 1 hour between 8-9 however this is becoming less frequent.  She barely sleeps at night but sleeps most of the day and hardly eats.  She talks about wanting to end her life and wishes she would never wake up.she hasn’t been at school since September and does not want to go back.  She’s used to be quite academic and do really well in her subjects now she couldn’t care about anything.  She is verbally and physically abusive to me on a more frequent basis.  Calls to the pathway and explaining all this leads me nowhere and I always feel like I’m getting fobbed off.  

I want my daughter to have her assessment as it could help her identify why she is going through this and it may just be what she needs to start to improve.  However, she Just shuts me down every time I try and have some communication with her about this.  She tells me I don’t understand what it’s like to be her and what she’s going through.  

really don’t  understand this waiting time why she cannot be seen sooner rather than later.  Does she need to try to take her life in order for someone to listen.  I wish I could pay for a private assessment but I just don’t have that sort of money.  I am so extremely worried about her.  She barely moves eats or sees daylight.  I will soon also have to worry about the toll this is taking on her physically as well as mentally.  Anyone out there who has experienced this and understands what this is like and can tell me what can I do to help my daughter.  I love her so much and it’s destroying me that I can’t help her.  Thank you.

Parents

  • Hi,  your story sounds so familiar, although my daughter is glued to my side most of the time.  She is also 15, and was referred to Clinical Partners last April via right to choose.  Her assessment is now imminent (after I chased repeatedly), and we have an appointment booked for 12th May for outcomes.

    In primary school my daughter seemed to cope by masking.  She was one of a group.of friends and would occasionally go to their homes or they come here for tea etc.  Once she hit high school the friend group shrank.to just two friends who did notnreally understand her, and eventually, by the middle of year 10, a girl who'd been bullying my daughter had placed herself in the group of 3, and my daughter was pushed out entirely.  This led to school refusal, and as the school had no concerns with her academically, they just expected her to 'get over it' and return eith little support.  The then SENCO had point blank refused to put her on the SEN register as she (and I quote verbatim), "masks too well"!!!!

    2 days before the start of Year 11, my Dad passed away.  My daughter, not having a good relationship with her own Dad, saw him as a father figure and took his passing very hard.  11 days later, her paternal grandmother also passed unexpectedly.  Despite this, school wanted her back in attendance but she just couldn't do it as she felt completely isolated and lonely, and I was backed into a corner of having to de-register her for her mental health or recieve a fine.

    As a rule, she doesn't do too badly being home educated, but her motivation has tanked, and her anxiety over starting college is immense.  The meltdowns are mammoth, even though doing the music course at college has been her goal for years, she is struggling to see how she can overcome the interview/audition expectation of course entry.  So she shuts herself.off, becomes verbally aggressive and impatient with me, and then we just end up going round in a neverending cycle.  College are trying to put things in place to support her through application and attendance teary for September.

    She said tonight that she is lonely, and I told her things may be different when she starts college, where she may find 'her people', peers who may understand her or not be judgy at the very least, but she said she doesn't want to wait that long, but won't let me contact any home ed groups, and won't even consider therapy of any sort.

    Her twin brother has combined type ADHD (was was diagnosed Dec 2023 after 8 years under assessment) and she and him clash.  Life can be very fraught at times because of their differences, and my daughter can't cope with his chaotic way of being.

    There's much more to our story, but I won't bore you with that, but please know you're not alone, and neither is your daughter.  I am doing nothing more than putting one foot in front of the other as much as I can to try to support both my daughter and son, but there are days where even I want to stomp up the stairs, slam my bedroom door and hide under the covers.

    Being 15 is hard enough, but being 15 and autistic with no diagnosis and little understandong from the world outside our home, as well as trying to deal with transitions, grief and loneliness is nothing but cruel.  I constantly feel.like I'm.failing her, but know I'm not as I'm.doing all I can  to help her to the best of my ability.

    I think we're al to hard on ourselves a lot of the time, our kids and us alike.  It helps a little to know there are others who understand the difficulties we're facing.

Reply

  • Hi,  your story sounds so familiar, although my daughter is glued to my side most of the time.  She is also 15, and was referred to Clinical Partners last April via right to choose.  Her assessment is now imminent (after I chased repeatedly), and we have an appointment booked for 12th May for outcomes.

    In primary school my daughter seemed to cope by masking.  She was one of a group.of friends and would occasionally go to their homes or they come here for tea etc.  Once she hit high school the friend group shrank.to just two friends who did notnreally understand her, and eventually, by the middle of year 10, a girl who'd been bullying my daughter had placed herself in the group of 3, and my daughter was pushed out entirely.  This led to school refusal, and as the school had no concerns with her academically, they just expected her to 'get over it' and return eith little support.  The then SENCO had point blank refused to put her on the SEN register as she (and I quote verbatim), "masks too well"!!!!

    2 days before the start of Year 11, my Dad passed away.  My daughter, not having a good relationship with her own Dad, saw him as a father figure and took his passing very hard.  11 days later, her paternal grandmother also passed unexpectedly.  Despite this, school wanted her back in attendance but she just couldn't do it as she felt completely isolated and lonely, and I was backed into a corner of having to de-register her for her mental health or recieve a fine.

    As a rule, she doesn't do too badly being home educated, but her motivation has tanked, and her anxiety over starting college is immense.  The meltdowns are mammoth, even though doing the music course at college has been her goal for years, she is struggling to see how she can overcome the interview/audition expectation of course entry.  So she shuts herself.off, becomes verbally aggressive and impatient with me, and then we just end up going round in a neverending cycle.  College are trying to put things in place to support her through application and attendance teary for September.

    She said tonight that she is lonely, and I told her things may be different when she starts college, where she may find 'her people', peers who may understand her or not be judgy at the very least, but she said she doesn't want to wait that long, but won't let me contact any home ed groups, and won't even consider therapy of any sort.

    Her twin brother has combined type ADHD (was was diagnosed Dec 2023 after 8 years under assessment) and she and him clash.  Life can be very fraught at times because of their differences, and my daughter can't cope with his chaotic way of being.

    There's much more to our story, but I won't bore you with that, but please know you're not alone, and neither is your daughter.  I am doing nothing more than putting one foot in front of the other as much as I can to try to support both my daughter and son, but there are days where even I want to stomp up the stairs, slam my bedroom door and hide under the covers.

    Being 15 is hard enough, but being 15 and autistic with no diagnosis and little understandong from the world outside our home, as well as trying to deal with transitions, grief and loneliness is nothing but cruel.  I constantly feel.like I'm.failing her, but know I'm not as I'm.doing all I can  to help her to the best of my ability.

    I think we're al to hard on ourselves a lot of the time, our kids and us alike.  It helps a little to know there are others who understand the difficulties we're facing.

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