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Meltdowns and regrets

SSS
4 months ago

Hello everybody,

I apologise if my post doesn't make any sense. I have recently got my formal diagnosis of autism (finally!), and it has just allowed me to be more myself and mask just that little bit less. Of course, this will take time, but it's in the works at least. 

So I live with my husband, it's just the 2 of us. He enjoys "messing with my autism", which I feel I can handle, and we joke about it, but at times, it just gets too much, and then I end up having a meltdown or snapping.

This is then followed by instant regret and a day or two of us not communicating. It makes me feel so angry at myself for having a meltdown and snapping, but on the other hand, although I have communicated how it makes me feel (when I am aware), it carries on, and I'm left with this massive lump in my chest of regret, sorrow, anxiety, hatred for myself, and just full-on sadness that I can't get rid of.

Does anybody else feel this? I just feel like a burden and that we can't have a normal relationship with banter because I'm too sensitive and I can't take a joke.

Apologies for the ramble, I am just struggling to make sense of things. It's also difficult as I have ADHD, Dyslexia and am a T1D

Thanks for taking the time to read this, any advice on how I can handle this better would be great.

Parents
  • 4 months ago

    Hi SSS,

    I was recently diagnosed with Asperger (I'm almost 30 years old) and what I can tell is that all my life, my family always criticized the way I act, speak, think, etc. And even after my diagnosis, they still "complain" about it, as i can eve try to "change".

    I felt relieved after my diagnosis, since I stopped feeling guilty about my life, actions. Thanks God or Universe, before i've got diagnosed i was seeing a boy (my bf now) and he really helps me out with the autism, look for information and i felt like we belong. Everytime he makes me feel bad about something he says (e.g you cant pay attention for an entire football match!) then, i explained why and he understands me. I think that a relationship should be a mutual thing. If he makes you feel bad, then he has to look for the characteristics of autism spectrum. 

    You can recomend him to read "22 things a woman with asperger's syndrom wants her partner to know" de rudy simone.

    hope it helps,

    swiftie14

Reply
  • 4 months ago

    Hi SSS,

    I was recently diagnosed with Asperger (I'm almost 30 years old) and what I can tell is that all my life, my family always criticized the way I act, speak, think, etc. And even after my diagnosis, they still "complain" about it, as i can eve try to "change".

    I felt relieved after my diagnosis, since I stopped feeling guilty about my life, actions. Thanks God or Universe, before i've got diagnosed i was seeing a boy (my bf now) and he really helps me out with the autism, look for information and i felt like we belong. Everytime he makes me feel bad about something he says (e.g you cant pay attention for an entire football match!) then, i explained why and he understands me. I think that a relationship should be a mutual thing. If he makes you feel bad, then he has to look for the characteristics of autism spectrum. 

    You can recomend him to read "22 things a woman with asperger's syndrom wants her partner to know" de rudy simone.

    hope it helps,

    swiftie14

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