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Meltdowns and regrets

SSS
4 months ago

Hello everybody,

I apologise if my post doesn't make any sense. I have recently got my formal diagnosis of autism (finally!), and it has just allowed me to be more myself and mask just that little bit less. Of course, this will take time, but it's in the works at least. 

So I live with my husband, it's just the 2 of us. He enjoys "messing with my autism", which I feel I can handle, and we joke about it, but at times, it just gets too much, and then I end up having a meltdown or snapping.

This is then followed by instant regret and a day or two of us not communicating. It makes me feel so angry at myself for having a meltdown and snapping, but on the other hand, although I have communicated how it makes me feel (when I am aware), it carries on, and I'm left with this massive lump in my chest of regret, sorrow, anxiety, hatred for myself, and just full-on sadness that I can't get rid of.

Does anybody else feel this? I just feel like a burden and that we can't have a normal relationship with banter because I'm too sensitive and I can't take a joke.

Apologies for the ramble, I am just struggling to make sense of things. It's also difficult as I have ADHD, Dyslexia and am a T1D

Thanks for taking the time to read this, any advice on how I can handle this better would be great.

Parents
  • 4 months ago

    I literally feel that, remember that feeling, when someone from my family made fun of my behavior or my problems. And then when I was crying and angry I heard that I’m too sensitive and take everything too deeply etc. at that time I had no idea about autism but yes, then I regretted and I felt like it’s all my fault. I think you can tell your husband clearly that it’s not ok and how it makes you feel.

Reply
  • 4 months ago

    I literally feel that, remember that feeling, when someone from my family made fun of my behavior or my problems. And then when I was crying and angry I heard that I’m too sensitive and take everything too deeply etc. at that time I had no idea about autism but yes, then I regretted and I felt like it’s all my fault. I think you can tell your husband clearly that it’s not ok and how it makes you feel.

Children
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