Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everybody,
I apologise if my post doesn't make any sense. I have recently got my formal diagnosis of autism (finally!), and it has just allowed me to be more myself and mask just that little bit less. Of course, this will take time, but it's in the works at least.
So I live with my husband, it's just the 2 of us. He enjoys "messing with my autism", which I feel I can handle, and we joke about it, but at times, it just gets too much, and then I end up having a meltdown or snapping.
This is then followed by instant regret and a day or two of us not communicating. It makes me feel so angry at myself for having a meltdown and snapping, but on the other hand, although I have communicated how it makes me feel (when I am aware), it carries on, and I'm left with this massive lump in my chest of regret, sorrow, anxiety, hatred for myself, and just full-on sadness that I can't get rid of.
Does anybody else feel this? I just feel like a burden and that we can't have a normal relationship with banter because I'm too sensitive and I can't take a joke.
Apologies for the ramble, I am just struggling to make sense of things. It's also difficult as I have ADHD, Dyslexia and am a T1D
Thanks for taking the time to read this, any advice on how I can handle this better would be great.
How about being angry at your husband for pushing your buttons, presumably ones he know are there and causing you so much distress you meltdown? Sorry but this joking sounds like bullying if it's causing you so much distress and that it's deliberate, 'I was only joking' is the go to excuse for bullies.
Maybe you should stop appologising and ask him to appologise to you for his insensitivity? Maybe the lump you should get rid of is him? I'm sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I've been in your situation and seen others go through the same. Maybe some couples therapy would be good, and go on your own if he refuses to go with you.
TheCatWoman said:Maybe you should stop appologising and ask him to appologise to you for his insensitivity?
I'm not sure I would insist on the apology but agree completely that you need to tell him to stop it and tell him you mean it.
His failure to stop this is incredibly disrespectul and bordering on abusive.
Tell him how it makes you feel if you can. Ask him sincerely if he will respect your wishes and he should apologise on his own.
Failure for him to follow up on this should result in you using a threat of either marriage counselling or a separation period to make him realise you are really serious.
His ongoing harrassment is likely to cause you a form of PTSD in the long run, hence my recommendation of taking some heavy steps.
Good luck - you deserve better.