Older women on the forum? Your early years?

Hello there,

I'm in my early sixties, and I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that an autism description fits me very well, having had social anxiety all of my life.   It's really interesting to read others experiences and how varied they are.  Not sure whether to pursue a diagnosis though, can't see the benefits.

I remember at primary school I was not interested in socialising with others, but used to really enjoy going round the playground picking up the old rusty kirby grips that always were between the paving stones.  I would join in skipping or hopscotch or something else if asked, but would be as happy playing solo hopscotch.   As I also had severe asthma and eczema (the drugs to control asthma well did not exist in my day and allergy testing was not really a thing then) any social issues I had were put down to that.  I much preferred sitting quietly with the adults when we had friends round.  School was great. You knew what you had to do and when.  Just didn't have any friends on the same wavelength as me, they were all swooning about David Cassidy or Donny Osmond.  I pretended to like Sweet and (Oh Horror) Gary Glitter.  Didn't have much problem with bullies, mainly because they could not get me to react so soon gave up, although they were persistent at times.  I must have been very detached.  Still am.

Also learned very early how to mask, after all, it is just a set of accceptable reactions to different situations, a bit like learning a part in a play, or how to do maths.  I remember at a birthday party about age 11? being given an Enid Blyton book which was far below my reading level and pretending to be delighted with it.  I also remember the other kids at the party laughing at the present, which I did not undestand and thought they were very rude.

Growing older, I played a lot of card games, learned so many variations of patience.  Of course, once computer games came along..........  Read books but often one book over and over again, or all the books by one author.  Preferred factual to stories, my parents offered to buy Jackie for me, but I chose a factual mag instead, Treasure I think it was?.  I tried going to rock concerts usually on my own, but always ended up on the loo in tears for no reason, looking back I think of that as a panic attack of some sort but I really didn't understand it then.

Now worrying about how to conclude this post without it sounding to abrupt but will just go with it anyway.

thank you for this great history that shares so many detains fro so many of us.

thank you for this great history that shares so many detains fro so many of us.