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masking and loosing identity

Geestar8

Hi,

I'm starting this discussion to see if anyone else has the same issue as me. I am autistic and a woman who was diagnosed late, I know I have been masking for most of my life but now I realise actually I've lost who I am as I mask too much and do not seem to somewhat control it either. Does anyone else have this same thing or anyone know how to re-identify yourself??

Parents

  • I totally get what you are saying.  I'm still not formally diagnosed, on the waiting list.  I've always felt 'different' that i am 'wired differently'.  I feel alone most of the time as I don't connect with others, don't understand them.  I don't know who I am, just this individual I have created that mimics what I see others say and do.  I'm not sure if I will ever re-identify, or if I need/want to at this stage.

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  • I totally get what you are saying.  I'm still not formally diagnosed, on the waiting list.  I've always felt 'different' that i am 'wired differently'.  I feel alone most of the time as I don't connect with others, don't understand them.  I don't know who I am, just this individual I have created that mimics what I see others say and do.  I'm not sure if I will ever re-identify, or if I need/want to at this stage.

Children
  • in reply to Sarah

    Hi Sarah, that makes perfect sense and I can relate greatly. Growing up feeling like an outsider or that I'm just copying the actions of those around me is incredibly confusing. I think because I had such a late diagnosis, I spent most of my childhood/teen years in the dark, thinking I was coping when in actuality I was heavily masking in order to maintain my friendships and feel more 'normal' (hate that word) But I agree with you, I don't think I would ever go back and try to fit into that masked version of myself again, I don't relate to her anymore.