Am I autistic?

Hi!

I am a 21 year old woman and recently I have started questioning myself if I might be autistic. I do not want to make assumptions or self-diagnose. I just wanted to talk to people who might understand my experience, as I feel professionals have not been able to help or diagnose me properly.

I always have felt different and I know I am unlikely to be a neurotypical person. I struggle with depression and anxiety, but I feel like there is something underneath that actually triggers these disorders. However, psychologists and psychiatrists I have seen never gave me a proper diagnosis for what I have. They suggested that I might have ADHD, social anxiety, OCD, avoidant personality disorder. Autism was never mentioned and I actually never considered that I might be autistic until recently, when I started reading more about ASD. If I am autistic, I would be what is called “high-masking”, I do not think anyone I personally know would think of me as autistic. However, when looking underneath, I think I might have some traits that could be considered autistic. And especially when I think about how I was as a child, I think I had some characteristics that are common among autistic girls, such as self-isolating and difficulty making friends; tics; sensory sensitivity (I would not wear jeans or any clothes that I found ‘itchy’; I could not look at shiny things because they overwhelmed me); I had fixated, intense interests; among other characteristics. As of now, I still feel I have all of those traits, but less visibly, I think I learned to ‘control’ and hide them better, as I feel they are not socially acceptable.

Anyone would like to share their experiences? What are some traits you all think people with “high-masking” autism have, particularly women? 

Parents
  • A skipping record. 

    A broken soundtrack. 

    Perpetual. 

    Never-ending. 

    That's how people sound to me. 

    Fragmented. 

    Dismembered. 

    Speech elusive of sense. 

    My mind cannot process. 

    A mind not to be. 

    No-one knows. 

    Nobody feels. 

    People devoid of my plight. 

    Never can they know. 

    Not ever will they see. 

    But proud I am. 

    Despite my flaws. 

    They make me what I am. 

    For I fight. 

    With all my might. 

    That is the key. 

    Imperfect to all. 

    Different I am. 

    That I forever will. 

    But others believe. 

    Those who do. 

    It'll never beat me. 

    Special chose me. 

    Unique I am. 

    More than many are. 

    For we may be different. 

    Quintessentially so. 

    Autism is life. 

    Autism is me. 

Reply
  • A skipping record. 

    A broken soundtrack. 

    Perpetual. 

    Never-ending. 

    That's how people sound to me. 

    Fragmented. 

    Dismembered. 

    Speech elusive of sense. 

    My mind cannot process. 

    A mind not to be. 

    No-one knows. 

    Nobody feels. 

    People devoid of my plight. 

    Never can they know. 

    Not ever will they see. 

    But proud I am. 

    Despite my flaws. 

    They make me what I am. 

    For I fight. 

    With all my might. 

    That is the key. 

    Imperfect to all. 

    Different I am. 

    That I forever will. 

    But others believe. 

    Those who do. 

    It'll never beat me. 

    Special chose me. 

    Unique I am. 

    More than many are. 

    For we may be different. 

    Quintessentially so. 

    Autism is life. 

    Autism is me. 

Children
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