Am I autistic?

Hi!

I am a 21 year old woman and recently I have started questioning myself if I might be autistic. I do not want to make assumptions or self-diagnose. I just wanted to talk to people who might understand my experience, as I feel professionals have not been able to help or diagnose me properly.

I always have felt different and I know I am unlikely to be a neurotypical person. I struggle with depression and anxiety, but I feel like there is something underneath that actually triggers these disorders. However, psychologists and psychiatrists I have seen never gave me a proper diagnosis for what I have. They suggested that I might have ADHD, social anxiety, OCD, avoidant personality disorder. Autism was never mentioned and I actually never considered that I might be autistic until recently, when I started reading more about ASD. If I am autistic, I would be what is called “high-masking”, I do not think anyone I personally know would think of me as autistic. However, when looking underneath, I think I might have some traits that could be considered autistic. And especially when I think about how I was as a child, I think I had some characteristics that are common among autistic girls, such as self-isolating and difficulty making friends; tics; sensory sensitivity (I would not wear jeans or any clothes that I found ‘itchy’; I could not look at shiny things because they overwhelmed me); I had fixated, intense interests; among other characteristics. As of now, I still feel I have all of those traits, but less visibly, I think I learned to ‘control’ and hide them better, as I feel they are not socially acceptable.

Anyone would like to share their experiences? What are some traits you all think people with “high-masking” autism have, particularly women? 

Parents
  • Hi and welcome to the community Mia

    I'm 62 and diagnosed within the last year. I wish I'd known sooner! I've not told many people because I'm still processing the information. Some people that I have told don't believe me because I've always presented myself as neurotypical (what brilliant actresses we ladies can be) Those people really tick me off as I'm now officially diagnosed.

    When my (much) younger sister was diagnosed a number of years ago I remember saying if she's autistic then I certainly must be! I took an online test and nope. Not autistic. 

    Fast forward to a couple of years ago and my adult daughter was exploring the likelihood that she herself was  autistic (she got diagnosed later that year). She sent me the link for the test and I did it again. Only - this time I did it properly and answered the questions honestly and not from a perspective of a masking adult. Bingo! I scored pretty highly. 

    As Neil says - self diagnosis and self recognition are perfectly valid and acceptable here. I went down the official diagnosis route because I had raging imposter syndrome (how can you reach your 60s and not know such a fundamental part of yourself?) 

    You're welcome here :) 

    Inula 

  • Hi, Inula! Thank you for the kind words and warm welcome. Your experience of presenting as neurotypical resonates with mine - autistic or not, it’s tough to seek a diagnosis or understand oneself when we've been fitting into social expectations. But it is encouraging to see your path towards self-awareness! I am trying to do the same, working towards a better understanding of myself.

Reply
  • Hi, Inula! Thank you for the kind words and warm welcome. Your experience of presenting as neurotypical resonates with mine - autistic or not, it’s tough to seek a diagnosis or understand oneself when we've been fitting into social expectations. But it is encouraging to see your path towards self-awareness! I am trying to do the same, working towards a better understanding of myself.

Children
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