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More challenging with age

Gremlin

Has anyone experienced life feeling more difficult as they get into their 30s and 40s?

I think someone posted a link a while ago to a paper on this but I lost the tab (I usually keep dozens open) and can't find the conversation again.

I can't put my finger on why. Are symptoms getting worse or am I just less willing to comply with the way things "should be done". I find myself increasingly impatient with my partner and using the phrase "you should understand me by now" or "you should know this by now". I feel like I can just no longer be the one to put my energy into things. Why should I be making such a huge effort all the time for other people's lives to be so easy. 

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  • Welcome Relaxed

    Gremlin said:
    I think someone posted a link a while ago to a paper on this but I lost the tab (I usually keep dozens open) and can't find the conversation again.

    This might be the conversation you thinking of.

    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/35259/overwhelm-fatigue-and-acceptance/342126#342126

    The document I linked is about managing the sensory environment for younger autists but it does include an interesting section showing how resilience to sensory input declines as we age. 

    I have certainly felt that being autistic is becoming more challenging as I get older. My sensory tolerance has reduced drastically and coping strategies no longer seem to work as they used to. I can no longer suppress meltdowns like I used to be able to. I can no longer multitask at all or cope with multiple auditory input sources at once. My executive function is shot to pieces and I have to keep lists for everything.

    I have spent a lifetime unknowingly masking, in an attempt to meet the expectations of others and the unwritten social rules. All my efforts have resulted in multiple burnouts. Burnouts can cause regression and finding that things we used to be able to do become much harder or impossible.

    For autistic women there is also the impact of menopause to consider, something there has been very little research on. I don't think is was a coincidence that my severe burnout in my 30s coincided with a premature menopause.

    https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/autism-and-menopause-qa-with-rachel-moseley-and-julie-turner-cobb/

    For those of us who have only discovered our autistic identity later in life I think part of that involves allowing ourselves permission to be ourselves for what feels like the first time in our life. I certainly am less willing to comply with how society thinks things should be done.

  • in reply to Autonomistic
    Autonomistic said:
    For those of us who have only discovered our autistic identity later in life I think part of that involves allowing ourselves permission to be ourselves for what feels like the first time in our life. I certainly am less willing to comply with how society thinks things should be done.

    Yes, i feel that i have pushed myself for so long while feeling so tired and head fog, that now knowing im autistic, gives me permission as i have got older to rest, because if i dont, i will be poorly. I want so much to have a rewarding job, some days i feel that i can do it, then bam, a reminder of how fatigued i am x

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  • in reply to Autonomistic
    Autonomistic said:
    For those of us who have only discovered our autistic identity later in life I think part of that involves allowing ourselves permission to be ourselves for what feels like the first time in our life. I certainly am less willing to comply with how society thinks things should be done.

    Yes, i feel that i have pushed myself for so long while feeling so tired and head fog, that now knowing im autistic, gives me permission as i have got older to rest, because if i dont, i will be poorly. I want so much to have a rewarding job, some days i feel that i can do it, then bam, a reminder of how fatigued i am x

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