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Friendships

NAS90995

How do I build up a wall in my heart against getting hurt in a friendship, when a colleague doesn't want to have the same intensity of friendship as I do. I normally don't let anyone get close to me, but if there's someone who I connect with I can't help but feel like I've been best friends with them for years and the friendship isn't reciprocated in the same way. The other person is more polite than wanting to build a close friendship. I don't know how to pull my friendship and heart back. Can anyone give me advice plz x

Parents

  • Particularly in a work context, or any other that may have some element of competition or power to it, caution is warranted.  We do find it much harder to work out what other people's motivation is and bend our heads around what they want from us.  That said, true friends are out there. Those who want nothing from us but ourselves.  Take time to get to know people and invest your emotion slowly.

    Funny thing but when I look around at those who are close to me, they so often turn out to be either Autistic or ADHD, or else that rare neurotypical person with brutal honesty and with whom I've found a rapport where our differences in our thinking seems to contrast and complement.  I have one in particular like that who has been my friend for 30 years.  We seem to be able to frame for each other that which the other cannot understand.

    The key I think is go slowly.  Many aspects of a person can attract us, but is the 'face value' who they really are?  Life tests that and folk's true nature can be judged by what they do over time.

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  • Particularly in a work context, or any other that may have some element of competition or power to it, caution is warranted.  We do find it much harder to work out what other people's motivation is and bend our heads around what they want from us.  That said, true friends are out there. Those who want nothing from us but ourselves.  Take time to get to know people and invest your emotion slowly.

    Funny thing but when I look around at those who are close to me, they so often turn out to be either Autistic or ADHD, or else that rare neurotypical person with brutal honesty and with whom I've found a rapport where our differences in our thinking seems to contrast and complement.  I have one in particular like that who has been my friend for 30 years.  We seem to be able to frame for each other that which the other cannot understand.

    The key I think is go slowly.  Many aspects of a person can attract us, but is the 'face value' who they really are?  Life tests that and folk's true nature can be judged by what they do over time.

Children
  • in reply to Dawn
    Dawn said:
    Particularly in a work context, or any other that may have some element of competition or power to it, caution is warranted

    I lost two of my best work friends to this - one when I was promoted and another when he was promoted over me. I’ve been careful ever since to engineer moves within the company rather than be in the same team as people I see as work friends.

    Dawn said:
    The key I think is go slowly. 

    But not too slowly. I keep deliberating over whether or not people are making friendly overtures to me and in most cases by the time I realise that they’ve been working hard to be my friends, it’s too late and they’ve given up on me.

    Good to see you back on the forum!