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Friendships

NAS90995

How do I build up a wall in my heart against getting hurt in a friendship, when a colleague doesn't want to have the same intensity of friendship as I do. I normally don't let anyone get close to me, but if there's someone who I connect with I can't help but feel like I've been best friends with them for years and the friendship isn't reciprocated in the same way. The other person is more polite than wanting to build a close friendship. I don't know how to pull my friendship and heart back. Can anyone give me advice plz x

Parents

  • Always be yourself, never change to be someone's friend. People who expect you to be different aren't worthy to be your friend. You deserve better and I hope you will find better people.

    I used to be the same. I spent my childhood without friends, I tried fitting in but I was like the black sheep and no one wanted to know me and those who did used me and then dropped me like a stone. I got hurt a lot, especially during my teens, and for a long time I doubted I would ever have a single friend.

    But all that changed for me last year when I started working. I work with children and am a part of a small team with five other women - I'm the only man but they all love the fact I'm a man interested in early years childcare, and the kids all respond really well to me. This has actually led to me becoming good friends with all my colleagues from the team. I feel so proud that I somehow achieved this because working and having friends are two things I never imagined I would ever have.

    It shows things can change and these things do happen. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that you will find yourself good friends who will accept you and like you for you soon.

Reply

  • Always be yourself, never change to be someone's friend. People who expect you to be different aren't worthy to be your friend. You deserve better and I hope you will find better people.

    I used to be the same. I spent my childhood without friends, I tried fitting in but I was like the black sheep and no one wanted to know me and those who did used me and then dropped me like a stone. I got hurt a lot, especially during my teens, and for a long time I doubted I would ever have a single friend.

    But all that changed for me last year when I started working. I work with children and am a part of a small team with five other women - I'm the only man but they all love the fact I'm a man interested in early years childcare, and the kids all respond really well to me. This has actually led to me becoming good friends with all my colleagues from the team. I feel so proud that I somehow achieved this because working and having friends are two things I never imagined I would ever have.

    It shows things can change and these things do happen. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that you will find yourself good friends who will accept you and like you for you soon.

Children
  • in reply to Bones
    Bones said:
    But all that changed for me last year when I started working. I work with children and am a part of a small team with five other women - I'm the only man but they all love the fact I'm a man interested in early years childcare, and the kids all respond really well to me. This has actually led to me becoming good friends with all my colleagues from the team. I feel so proud that I somehow achieved this because working and having friends are two things I never imagined I would ever have.

    That’s amazing to hear and you should be very proud that you have achieved that. What an a fantastic and fulfilling job you have as well. I agree with the friends thing and have probably painted a bad picture of my friendships, just wanted to add that there are things that I value with my friends but I’m very sure they wouldn’t be comfortable if they knew I was the way I am. I will get there I’m sure and if nothing else I know I’m adaptable. I guess it’s early days for me and these are the things that I’ve started to question as I have become more aware of myself. 

    Really appreciate your response and find it very helpful