Struggling to accept myself

I am 24 and got diagnosed at 17. I struggle to accept it and wish I was someone else, I would change myself in a heartbeat. I am embarrassed of being autistic. I don’t tell anybody unless I feel absolutely necessary, people just think I am weird. 

I work 5 days a week and really struggle, I’m not sure if it’s too much for me. I feel stupid just writing this. I really hate myself.

How did you accept yourself? My acceptance seems to get worse 

Parents
  • Hello friend- I know it's been a month since you posted, but I hope you're doing well. I'm the same age as you, but I didn't get diagnosed until I was 23. I think for me, what helped was the understanding. For my entire life, I'd always thought there was something wrong with me. That I must be a weird or unloveable person, that I was missing something that everyone else had. I felt really bad about and for myself. But when I found out I had autism, it was almost like a relief- there was nothing wrong with me, there never was. I wasn't crazy or attention seeking for feeling 'different' and 'out of place'. I was valid. I had been valid all along, what I had been wrestling with in my soul for 15+ years had finally been answered. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with some of what comes with autism. The social skills (or lack thereof) the loneliness, wishing that simple things for others weren't so difficult for me. But once I realized that I had it, I found I was able to start being kind to myself. I was able to start the long (and still in progress) journey of someday even loving myself. And I'd never felt that before, and it feels really amazing.

Reply
  • Hello friend- I know it's been a month since you posted, but I hope you're doing well. I'm the same age as you, but I didn't get diagnosed until I was 23. I think for me, what helped was the understanding. For my entire life, I'd always thought there was something wrong with me. That I must be a weird or unloveable person, that I was missing something that everyone else had. I felt really bad about and for myself. But when I found out I had autism, it was almost like a relief- there was nothing wrong with me, there never was. I wasn't crazy or attention seeking for feeling 'different' and 'out of place'. I was valid. I had been valid all along, what I had been wrestling with in my soul for 15+ years had finally been answered. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with some of what comes with autism. The social skills (or lack thereof) the loneliness, wishing that simple things for others weren't so difficult for me. But once I realized that I had it, I found I was able to start being kind to myself. I was able to start the long (and still in progress) journey of someday even loving myself. And I'd never felt that before, and it feels really amazing.

Children
No Data