Published on 12, July, 2020
So basically i was diagnosed with autism at the end of august at the age of 23 and at the start of this month started my first ever job in a shop. I have always found education environments overwhelming so I was always petrified of starting work anyways my friend works in this shop and she hasn’t been there long either and she said they wanted someone I felt obliged to say yes because i find it so embarrassing at the age of 23 i’ve never worked. I did two weeks of training with my friend it was just me and her so I felt more at ease however the boss has said i’m really quiet and she needs me to be more like them etc, so i’ve had constant comments on my personality which is really putting me down. I do talk and I am polite but i’m not overbearing or anything it’s quite a “rough” shop so I think they expect me to scream and shout etc but that’s not me. Anyways tonight i’ve had my first paid shift working with someone I’ve never met before and I felt so awkward and on edge the whole time I did try my best to make conversation with him but I just don’t know what to talk about at the end of the shift he said “do you not talk like” and i said “yeah but you don’t really either”. Again comments on my personality and I know by tomorrow all the staff etc will be told how quiet i am and i’ll be the topic of conversation again. When i was training with my friend i overheard her laughing and talking about me with a customer about a silly mistake I made while learning too and she’s constantly commenting on things and how if anyone gets robbed it’ll be me. What do I do? is it worth it? I’m at the point now where i’m so low i feel useless, i feel like there’s so many flaws in my personality is it worth carrying on I just feel like the whole social interaction is going to burn me out but I feel obliged to be in work because i feel embarrassed if i’m not also the extra money will help me
NAS89603 said:Again comments on my personality
It helps to understand that they are commenting on your behaviour, not your personality.
Behaviour is the observable actions, reactions, and habits of an individual. At the same time, personality is the unique set of characteristics, traits, and patterns of thought that define an individual and differentiate them from others.
You can easily change your behaviour but not your personality. Masking is exactly this, and it is what you will probably need to do in order to fit in.
However - you should stand up for yourself and make the point that you are autistic and small talk is not intuitive to you so can they please be more understanding. Maybe tell them you really enjoy working with them but need to get to know them more before you are confident enough to have a conversation.
It is probably worth preparing a small summary of what autism is and which traits affect you - to give to your boss and ask if he can have a word with the staff to educate them. I know it is embarassing but if they don't get to know about your autism then they will continue to treat you like a neurotypical and judge your behaviour.
That would be my approach.
Yeah I get that there not really the people who are going to understand at all they will probably get rid of me straight away as soon as I tell them that i’m autistic my friend even told me that. Plus obviously my friend knows I am and she’s not being very supportive either and I just feel like to become comfortable in myself why should I have to mask as this will just lead to burnout
NAS89603 said:they will probably get rid of me straight away as soon as I tell them that i’m autistic
Look at it this way - if you continue as you are you will leave as it is all getting too much, or if you tell them then there is a chance they will do something about it - possibly not, but it is the only real chance you have.
If you are a permanent member of staff then you have protection for being dismissed because of your autism as it is classed as a disability.
2 reasons to give them a copy of your diagnosis and ask for the staff to be advised of your need for more time before you become conversational with them. This would be classed as a "reasonable adjustment" to the working environment for you,
I’m not classed as permanent