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Being a mother with self diagnosed autism - completely overwhelmed

NAS89443

Autism/AuDHD is something I've had thoughts about having since I was 14 but it's been the last 6 months that I've been more accepting and taken it seriously, telling close friends and family and last week my GP sent off a referral. 

Since having my daughter 18 months ago I feel my symptoms have been getting more and more exasperated. I now feel like I am at breaking point and I don't know what to do about it! It does not help that my daughter's never been one for sleep (we've tried countless things to remedy this) and lack of sleep always makes everything feel worse! 

My husband and I take it in turns to do nights, take it in turns to have a lay in at the weekend and he takes her out for an afternoon, sometimes a day, every weekend but it just never feels like enough to recuperate. We are pretty even on all household things too. He has a stressful job himself, so I really don't know how I could ask him to take on any more. I am a full-time mum and currently feel like going to work would be a break but I know it's not the solution as I have always been deeply unhappy in previous roles. 

I do do things for myself, I go to yoga once a week at 7am before my husband starts work, I get a massage once a month. I could take more advantage from my mum to give me some time on a Friday when she is off or at the weekend. But I haven't told her about the autism because I don't think she would ever understand unless it was formal diagnosis. 

I do run a VERY small business, I haven't even made enough to file a tax return since having my daughter and only managed it previously due to the pandemic. Sewing is what I do for it and it's my special interest, but it's basically impossible to do anything with a toddler around and one that doesn't really sleep. I thought I could take advantage of 15hrs free childcare in April but after looking into it I don't think I'll qualify as I've been self employed longer than a year.

So I guess what I'd love to here is how to you balance and create something that resembles a functioning life with a child when your autistic!? Everything I Google talks about having an autistic child not about being a parent with autism. I have a wonderful life, but I think I'm burnt out and it's making me miserable because I don't know how to fix it.

Parents

  • I am seeking a formal diagnosis and currently have a 5 month old and can truly understand what you are saying. I feel like it really makes my problems shine in the worst way. Have been seeking some help but I don’t bring up my thoughts of having autism as they would probably think I’m crazy and they have just been telling me it’s postpartum depression which may be on top of my autism but I feel like I’m drowning. 

  • in reply to NAS89769

    I can understand why you might worry about that but I don’t think anyone with any understanding of autism would think you were ‘crazy’ for raising it as a possibility. Being autistic is more common than many people realise - it’s a reasonable question to ask if you have many autistic traits. 
    I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. With a 5 month old child I think that’s far from unusual. With my first I was in a complete blur for well over a year! I think if you can find some acceptance within yourself of how you’re feeling it can help ease the pressure a bit. I think that often we are in that frame of mind of “I shouldn’t be feeling like this” - and that only makes us feel worse. It’s ok and normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes - especially when you’ve recently had a baby. It’s an huge adjustment in almost every area of your life and it’s bound to be very unsettling and challenging. And you won’t always feel like this. 

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  • in reply to NAS89769

    I can understand why you might worry about that but I don’t think anyone with any understanding of autism would think you were ‘crazy’ for raising it as a possibility. Being autistic is more common than many people realise - it’s a reasonable question to ask if you have many autistic traits. 
    I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. With a 5 month old child I think that’s far from unusual. With my first I was in a complete blur for well over a year! I think if you can find some acceptance within yourself of how you’re feeling it can help ease the pressure a bit. I think that often we are in that frame of mind of “I shouldn’t be feeling like this” - and that only makes us feel worse. It’s ok and normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes - especially when you’ve recently had a baby. It’s an huge adjustment in almost every area of your life and it’s bound to be very unsettling and challenging. And you won’t always feel like this. 

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