• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 1779 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Always felt different

Holly P-B

Little background I’m a 22 year old female, and I’ll be talking about me as a young child to adult between the years of 2005-present.

So as a child I felt like a normal child however I never felt as though I was like everyone else I was “different” and not in a good way, children found me weird, children would laugh at me for answering a question wrong, calling me a retard and everything under the sun.

In March 2006 I was diagnosed with Asperger’s more commonly known now has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), however I didn’t discover I had Autism until 2013, (during this time I was diagnosed with alopecia which is still present today) my mother withheld information about it, and never told me until I was nosy and stumbled across some government documents on me having Autism, I confronted my mum and I was furious, I’ve accepted that I think she was trying to protect me somehow.

Before I discovered those documents I had TA’s around me 24/7 at middle school and I kept getting so upset and confused why I had TA’s around me and I kept pushing them away (not physically just telling them to go away), I made me feel different than the other kids and I just wanted to be treated like all the other kids in my class.

Even after I found out about my diagnosis I still didn’t embrace who I was I rejected who I was and what I was, I dehumanised myself to think I was some girl who wouldn’t do well in life because people wouldn’t want an autistic girl around, classmates in secondary school were cruel, again calling me useless and retarded a dumb *** etc, in my GCSES I only got English (4) that’s it everything else was lower than that, and this supported my belief that I was too stupid to do anything, and I had to work my way up again from the bottom.

When I went to College and did a Level 1 course everyone in that course said why are you here you are so smart, and I replied saying well my grades don’t say I’m smart mainly getting E’s and F’s and a G.

I continued doing a level 2 and 3 course.

Now I’m at university doing Criminology and Law however I still haven’t fully accepted that I have ASD, I still feel as though I don’t belong in any community even though I am part of it.

Parents

  • I had terrible grades in high school. I even had to retake all of my English classes, once even at night school. After getting some discipline in the military, I went to college. I had the same experience as you did in college in my math classes. Other students would even get upset with me and derogatorily call me a "genius", "math whiz", or "super brain". I even finished my precalculus class halfway through the semester because the syllabus told us all the assignments.

    Yet, I went the social science route because I wanted to know how people think and why they behave the way they do (I knew i was missing something). I still did pretty well, and even got invited to a master's level course while in undergrad, but I wasn't as good as in math. Luckily, I found a niche. Most social science majors hate stats and many don't ever get it. To me, stats is intuitive, the easiest "math" there is. You just have to know what the numbers mean.

    Anyway, in grad school, I had tenured professors asking me to run their stats and write up their results for them. That would take me an afternoon, and I got published in academic journals for it lol.

Reply

  • I had terrible grades in high school. I even had to retake all of my English classes, once even at night school. After getting some discipline in the military, I went to college. I had the same experience as you did in college in my math classes. Other students would even get upset with me and derogatorily call me a "genius", "math whiz", or "super brain". I even finished my precalculus class halfway through the semester because the syllabus told us all the assignments.

    Yet, I went the social science route because I wanted to know how people think and why they behave the way they do (I knew i was missing something). I still did pretty well, and even got invited to a master's level course while in undergrad, but I wasn't as good as in math. Luckily, I found a niche. Most social science majors hate stats and many don't ever get it. To me, stats is intuitive, the easiest "math" there is. You just have to know what the numbers mean.

    Anyway, in grad school, I had tenured professors asking me to run their stats and write up their results for them. That would take me an afternoon, and I got published in academic journals for it lol.

Children
No Data