Little background I’m a 22 year old female, and I’ll be talking about me as a young child to adult between the years of 2005-present.
So as a child I felt like a normal child however I never felt as though I was like everyone else I was “different” and not in a good way, children found me weird, children would laugh at me for answering a question wrong, calling me a retard and everything under the sun.
In March 2006 I was diagnosed with Asperger’s more commonly known now has ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), however I didn’t discover I had Autism until 2013, (during this time I was diagnosed with alopecia which is still present today) my mother withheld information about it, and never told me until I was nosy and stumbled across some government documents on me having Autism, I confronted my mum and I was furious, I’ve accepted that I think she was trying to protect me somehow.
Before I discovered those documents I had TA’s around me 24/7 at middle school and I kept getting so upset and confused why I had TA’s around me and I kept pushing them away (not physically just telling them to go away), I made me feel different than the other kids and I just wanted to be treated like all the other kids in my class.
Even after I found out about my diagnosis I still didn’t embrace who I was I rejected who I was and what I was, I dehumanised myself to think I was some girl who wouldn’t do well in life because people wouldn’t want an autistic girl around, classmates in secondary school were cruel, again calling me useless and retarded a dumb *** etc, in my GCSES I only got English (4) that’s it everything else was lower than that, and this supported my belief that I was too stupid to do anything, and I had to work my way up again from the bottom.
When I went to College and did a Level 1 course everyone in that course said why are you here you are so smart, and I replied saying well my grades don’t say I’m smart mainly getting E’s and F’s and a G.
I continued doing a level 2 and 3 course.
Now I’m at university doing Criminology and Law however I still haven’t fully accepted that I have ASD, I still feel as though I don’t belong in any community even though I am part of it.
