I'm an autistic mum with a daughter being assessed for autism. She suffers with OCD, intense social anxiety, perfectionism, can only understand very clear, literal speech and needs a strong routine - any changes throw her into a panic. She'sbeen anxious in school for years and struggles to get on with other children. She's very sensitive - emotional music makes her cry, she can't tolerate the sound of people eating, for example and she gets very embarassed about having emotional outbursts in front of other people.
Moving to secondary school - she's now in year 8 - she's suffering panic attacks about going into school in the mornings as well as before bed the night before school. This mostly relates to social anxieties around PE and break times, as well as during class. She also feels a huge pressure to study very hard, which is making her over-tired. She's having panic attacks at school that are making social difficulties even worse as she's making a scene, which is making it harder for her to feel like she can fit in. She has one friend, who is much like her, but this friend is often off school ill. With other girls, she says they just all go silent when she sits with them. She doesn't know what to say to them and they don't know what to say to her. She finds this intolerable and has described feelings of panicked paranoia about what they're thinking about her. She's now refusing to go to school and is getting behind with her work, which is causing further anxiety.
At what point can I accept that home schooling is a good option? Other family members are insistent that she keeps pushing on through. I feel that doing so is traumatising her. Her most recent night time meltdown lasted four hours, from 10pm to 2am, during which time she screamed and wailed at the top of her voice for almost the entire time, she looked panicked, frantic, like a cornered animal and just repeated over and over 'I want to die, I want to die'.
Personally, I can't understand how home schooling is not the logical response to this. But I'm also autistic and feel her pain acutely. I can't handle how upset she is. I can't think clearly. Does anyone have experience of helping a child recover from this level of acute anxiety about school? Are there any agencies who are qualified to help her get over this or is the simplest solution just to take away her pain and let her study with an online school, followed by gently supporting her in learning how to make good social relationships in her own time and at her own pace?
Any thoughts appreciated!
