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Recent diagnosis, therapy and unmasking

Abbie

I've been pretty sure that I'm autistic for a few years, and finally got my diagnosis yesterday. It definitely wasn't a shock and isn't a bad thing, though has left me with more questions than I was expecting it to. It feels a little bit surreal to finally have the diagnosis and no longer be able to hide behind 'but maybe I'm not autistic?'

The assessment was an overwhelmingly positive experience, but it confronted me with just how much I've drained and hurt myself trying to fit into a social mould that was never going to work for me. I'm 21 now and finally coming to a place where I feel like I've got some wonderful people around me. However, having those positive relationships has made me realise just how bad things have been previously, and how much that has informed my self-esteem and ability to feel secure in relationships. I also have been trying to work through a very difficult past-relationship, but am struggling to get any further healing myself. That, coupled with the fact that I'm really struggling to meet my sensory needs, has made me want to see if autism-informed therapy would be helpful. 

I've tried CBT-type therapies in the past, but found it really difficult to engage with as I struggle to identify emotions, and am already very good at intellectualising my cognitions/negative thought patterns. I wondered if anyone has had any similar experiences and could recommend a) a type of therapy they found helpful and/or b) any particular services (I'm probably looking to go down the private route due to wait times) that they had good experiences with? I'm based in London, but would be happy to consider either online or in-person sessions.

I'd also be really interested in hearing other peoples' experiences of trying to mask less and feel comfortable with stimming (etc) after trying to suppress it for so long? It was something that was brought up a lot yesterday, but I really struggle to take that neurotypical persona off, even in front of close friends. I'm sure that this is something that is going to take a lot of time and patience, but if anyone had any tips/similar experiences, that would be great!!

Thank you in advance :) 

Parents

  • Hi first congratulations on your diagnosis, I'm still waiting,  I totally agree CBT  is not always helpful  for  autistic people,  as yet  I have had no autism counseling as I haven't been diagnosed, anyway I have been marsking for more than 50 years so I  don't know  what's what, but what I have  found is that when I'm on my own and indulging in special interests I  drop the  marsk, so I I'm starting to recognise the marsk with the thought if I can identify it maybe this might help me,  with  stimming I've been using fidget tools wich helps, and then  to start with on my own allowing the  stimmas to just happen, know something  I just start stimming without even  noticing,  I don't know if this is  any help or just ramblings. 

  • in reply to Richy bee

    Hi Richy, 

    Thank you for your response! I definitely have found the same thing in terms of stimming when engaging in special interests- a lot of the time I don't notice I'm doing it until someone else points it out. It's hard not to feel self-conscious, but has made me more aware of trying not to suppress stims when I'm alone. Fidget toys are wonderful; I only have a few, but they're so helpful for my concentration, as well as trying to self-regulate and stim. 

    Best of luck with pursuing your diagnosis :)

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  • in reply to Richy bee

    Hi Richy, 

    Thank you for your response! I definitely have found the same thing in terms of stimming when engaging in special interests- a lot of the time I don't notice I'm doing it until someone else points it out. It's hard not to feel self-conscious, but has made me more aware of trying not to suppress stims when I'm alone. Fidget toys are wonderful; I only have a few, but they're so helpful for my concentration, as well as trying to self-regulate and stim. 

    Best of luck with pursuing your diagnosis :)

Children
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