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Recent diagnosis, therapy and unmasking

Abbie

I've been pretty sure that I'm autistic for a few years, and finally got my diagnosis yesterday. It definitely wasn't a shock and isn't a bad thing, though has left me with more questions than I was expecting it to. It feels a little bit surreal to finally have the diagnosis and no longer be able to hide behind 'but maybe I'm not autistic?'

The assessment was an overwhelmingly positive experience, but it confronted me with just how much I've drained and hurt myself trying to fit into a social mould that was never going to work for me. I'm 21 now and finally coming to a place where I feel like I've got some wonderful people around me. However, having those positive relationships has made me realise just how bad things have been previously, and how much that has informed my self-esteem and ability to feel secure in relationships. I also have been trying to work through a very difficult past-relationship, but am struggling to get any further healing myself. That, coupled with the fact that I'm really struggling to meet my sensory needs, has made me want to see if autism-informed therapy would be helpful. 

I've tried CBT-type therapies in the past, but found it really difficult to engage with as I struggle to identify emotions, and am already very good at intellectualising my cognitions/negative thought patterns. I wondered if anyone has had any similar experiences and could recommend a) a type of therapy they found helpful and/or b) any particular services (I'm probably looking to go down the private route due to wait times) that they had good experiences with? I'm based in London, but would be happy to consider either online or in-person sessions.

I'd also be really interested in hearing other peoples' experiences of trying to mask less and feel comfortable with stimming (etc) after trying to suppress it for so long? It was something that was brought up a lot yesterday, but I really struggle to take that neurotypical persona off, even in front of close friends. I'm sure that this is something that is going to take a lot of time and patience, but if anyone had any tips/similar experiences, that would be great!!

Thank you in advance :) 

Parents

  • Congratulations Abbie.  It sounds as though you have a really positive attitude to your diagnosis.  21 is young and you have a whole life ahead.

    I do not think that many of us get anything very much out of CBT, but there are autism informed counsellors and therapists out there.  You should be able to find one on the website for professional therapists.  Many offer online as well as in person these days.

    BACP - British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy

    As for masks, I'm still trying to identify mine.  I have found this the hardest concept to grasp.  I've never consciously put on an act for NTs I don't think, but I am sure I have deployed a fair few exhausting compensation strategies to ease communication with them in my time.  I like catching myself out with one because I can add it to the box labelled: 'my choice' as to whether I do this or not for their benefit today.  That's empowering. Otherwise, I guess I never minded much that people thought me quirky for 56 years.  Maybe I was just lucky to be mostly around people who didn't mind either. 

  • in reply to Dawn

    Hi Dawn, 

    Thank you so much for your response and for the BACP link. I'm definitely going to look into it. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who is skeptical about CBT!

    Completely understand what you mean about choosing whether or not to mask feeling empowering. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by lots of neurodivergent friends who have been so supportive of me.

Reply
  • in reply to Dawn

    Hi Dawn, 

    Thank you so much for your response and for the BACP link. I'm definitely going to look into it. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who is skeptical about CBT!

    Completely understand what you mean about choosing whether or not to mask feeling empowering. I'm very fortunate to be surrounded by lots of neurodivergent friends who have been so supportive of me.

Children
  • in reply to Abbie

    I did CBT.  For me, it worked for certain elements of anxiety. It had been said by some professionals (my autism assessor) that CBT doesn't work for autistic people. Now I understand this more. A lot of anxiety could be sensory, or because we communicate differently, or because there's a higher intolerance of uncertainty (as an example....I've worked in the same place for a long time but can still feel sick before work....it's just another day but I think there's something deep down that just means leaving the house and being with other people is uncertain. I KNOW everything will be fine but it doesn't make it easier). It could be said I have done exposure therapy most days of my life but I still feel anxious. I could give countless examples of this. Another difficulty can be if you are alexithymic. And if you mask. I often need time to process things but in the past has said what was expected of me. If you are aware of yourself and what autism means to you,  you could get some benefit from it. Diagnosis takes time to integrate into your life. A counsellor with understanding of autism (or is autistic) helped far more because a lot of it is about accepting things and once you realise,  it takes the pressure off. ACT was recommended to me by my assessor and I'm starting that soon but for non autism reasons.