• Replies 34 replies
  • Subscribers 12 subscribers
  • Views 6171 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Recently diagnosed - No idea who I am any more

Camille

Hey - new here and hoping to get some friendly advice on how to cope with being diagnosed recently. I’m 34 and i was 95% convinced I was autistic for about 4 years before I actually got officially diagnosed, so when I finally got the confirmation that all my suspicions were right, I felt a huge sense of relief and validation. Now, about a fortnight on, my euphoric relief has turned into a deep dark dissociative space. I’m depressive, vacant and don’t want to talk to anyone or do anything social. I am aware of how down I am, but can’t do anything about it. I feel like I’ve now been given the green light to know who I really am… and now I’m completely overwhelmed. I feel like I have to get to know a new person. And that person is me.. who I thought I already knew… help !

Parents

  • Your experience sounds very common among what I've read here. It takes time to integrate a diagnosis into your life. It's taken me 18 months to finally understand what it actually means to me but the integration is going to go on a lot longer if not the rest of my life. 2 weeks is very early days.  Be kind to yourself. Getting a diagnosis is a big deal and you need time to process it.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    You are right - thank you for replying! I have a hard time identifying my emotions much less allowing myself to feel them. Another thing I’ve never understood is the term ‘be kind to yourself’ - in your eyes, how would you explain this term? Is it more or less allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling?

Reply Children
  • in reply to James

    I have a better understanding of this now. I think among other things, it's a very strong need for things to be RIGHT. As I'm addressing this and having talked to someone about it, I think it's feeding into being more aware of when I'm being hard on myself. And now I'm more aware of it and can recognise when it happens, I can take some of the pressure off myself.

    I think this is where some of the masking comes from in social interactions. That the interactions need to be correct. But only in my eyes. Exhausting.  Now I adopt a bit more of a *** it attitude. For most people interactions are a transient thing and it doesn't actually matter if a bit of something goes wrong.

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    If you're anything like me, you are probably really hard on yourself. I think there's a process people often go through and one of the stages is acceptance of yourself

    Though it can take time, it might be worthwhile finding out what is the root need to be really hard on yourself. Where does this motivation come from? What impact does it have? Is there something unaddressed?

  • in reply to Deleted User

    As soon as you said you’re hard on yourself I bawled. I’m exactly the same and have been told as such but don’t know how to stop that behaviour as I don’t even realise I’m doing it, or what that manifests as. The masking thing is really a prominent part of my struggles too and I’m desperate to learn more about it as I think it will help me be more authentically me, and hopefully equal less social stress

  • in reply to AuTriker

    That does make a lot of sense, thank you so much. It’s quite overwhelming how many people on here understand me - I’ve barely said anything and you all get it! I can’t spell it but the term above is something I have heard of, and I will take your advice and read up a little more about it. Thank you

  • in reply to Deleted User
    Unknown said:
    Often if I feel one way, I think I'm going to feel like that forever.  I've now learned, in my mid thirties that this isn't the case. So you could let yourself feel like that because it will pass. Or you could remind yourself it's been 2 weeks since your diagnosis. You've got all the time ahead of you to work through it to find out what it means for you. If you're anything like me, you are probably really hard on yourself. I think there's a process people often go through and one of the stages is acceptance of yourself. It's different for everyone but it's kind of working out how autism affects you

    This a hundred.

  • in reply to Camille

    Sometimes we can feel strong emotions and its hard to put things into perspective.  Often if I feel one way, I think I'm going to feel like that forever.  I've now learned, in my mid thirties that this isn't the case. So you could let yourself feel like that because it will pass. Or you could remind yourself it's been 2 weeks since your diagnosis. You've got all the time ahead of you to work through it to find out what it means for you. If you're anything like me, you are probably really hard on yourself. I think there's a process people often go through and one of the stages is acceptance of yourself. It's different for everyone but it's kind of working out how autism affects you. For me theres been a lot about masking and I've only really realised that in the past few months....a good year after my diagnosis.

  • in reply to Camille
    Camille said:
    I have a hard time identifying my emotions

    That's alexythymia, if you aren't aware of that then you might find it useful to look it up.

    I think being kind to yourself might be easier understood as a contrast to its opposite. Like don't beat yourself up mentally for having these emotions. Yes, accept that you are feeling them, they are not unreasonable to have. Also remind yourself they will not last forever and you will have nicer emotions sometimes.

    Also finding out what makes you happy or content or calm, or feel fewer negative emotions if that is easier to relate to, and try to increase those things if possible and if they are not bad for you. Like if eating chocolate makes you happy then have some sometimes not never, but equally not all the time or you will end up feeling worse! And trying to reduce your stressors. It is not selfish to do things like that, at least some of the time. Especially if the result is to make you a nicer person to be around. Although I don't know if you have issues with that so I hope some made sense anyway.