Beauty

When I was younger, say in my teens up until my 30’s I hated how I looked, I felt people stared because I was ugly. All I could focus in was my face, how my nose was too big, lips too big, dark circles under my eyes, everything! It was incessant. I couldn’t stop. Very unhealthy behaviour. Let’s not even go into how I perceived my body and how I used to hide myself in clothes all the time.

However, unlike you, I never felt like I had to look a certain way nor to look my best. From other peoples comments, I would look good in a potato sack, but I didn’t believe them. I always dressed appropriately for the situation and nothing more.

I was very over critical of my appearance, just as I was with everything else, and that can be something that occurs in autistics. I didn’t start to see myself differently until I had some CBT for social anxiety. A side aspect of it made me think about what I really look like to other people. And how I should believe the compliments, as why would someone give a compliment unless it was necessary? When I started to ‘un judge’ myself, things got easier. It did take a while. A long while. I was my own worst critic. Needlessly.

It seems I am actually attractive. That’s why people stared and continue to do so. When I get a compliment it makes me uncomfortable,  but I will give thanks, and know that it is their truth. I still don’t rate my appearance, and try not to dwell on it. Life is too short yo consume so much energy in something so insignificant.

Think about your parents, or a friend, or partner. How do they really see you? If you don’t already know, ask them. They will think everything about you is lovely, because you are. We are all different. We look the way we are supposed to, and that is OK. You have to embrace it, and work with what you have, but don’t make the mistake of trying to emulate others. 

When I was younger, say in my teens up until my 30’s I hated how I looked, I felt people stared because I was ugly. All I could focus in was my face, how my nose was too big, lips too big, dark circles under my eyes, everything! It was incessant. I couldn’t stop. Very unhealthy behaviour. Let’s not even go into how I perceived my body and how I used to hide myself in clothes all the time.

However, unlike you, I never felt like I had to look a certain way nor to look my best. From other peoples comments, I would look good in a potato sack, but I didn’t believe them. I always dressed appropriately for the situation and nothing more.

I was very over critical of my appearance, just as I was with everything else, and that can be something that occurs in autistics. I didn’t start to see myself differently until I had some CBT for social anxiety. A side aspect of it made me think about what I really look like to other people. And how I should believe the compliments, as why would someone give a compliment unless it was necessary? When I started to ‘un judge’ myself, things got easier. It did take a while. A long while. I was my own worst critic. Needlessly.

It seems I am actually attractive. That’s why people stared and continue to do so. When I get a compliment it makes me uncomfortable,  but I will give thanks, and know that it is their truth. I still don’t rate my appearance, and try not to dwell on it. Life is too short yo consume so much energy in something so insignificant.

Think about your parents, or a friend, or partner. How do they really see you? If you don’t already know, ask them. They will think everything about you is lovely, because you are. We are all different. We look the way we are supposed to, and that is OK. You have to embrace it, and work with what you have, but don’t make the mistake of trying to emulate others.