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Finding it very difficult today

Asha

Hi

Today is my grandaughters 4th birthday - I have not been allowed to see her openly for 3 years now - no reason given

The last time I saw her my son had to bring her secretly

My son has aspergers - - his wfe is a very cold woman and I am not strong enough to take legal action about it. 

His wife is weird - she has no converstion and she looks down on me and my daughter and I will not have her in the house - I have no intention of ever seeing her again - I tried to cope with his wife for 2 years and had to have counselling because of it. I thought I was doing something wrong - so I kept trying to get her to talk to me - but I had to accept that any relationship with his wife would make me very ill indeed.

It is very obvius to me and my daughter that Sophie is not my sons biological daughter - its as plain as the nose on your face.

Although my son is highly functioning he tends to trust people.

I dont have the heart to tell him that Sophie isnt his daughter.

Because of all the trouble his wife has caused and all the upset she has caused to me and my daughter we are emotionally drained.

So after 3 years I had to give up on seeing my grandaughter again.

I am on strong medication for stress now and cannot do anything about it.

But the good news is that I am keeping in closer contact with my son now

After being with his wife his behaviour had become very strange - he would talk to me like a stranger and he would be very polite - it was awful seeing who she had turned him in to.

I remember one of the times she came to my home - we had a barbeque. His wife made my son put cardboard on the grass so that she could walk on it - I have never in my life seen such a selfish self obsessed woman.

I am going to make sure that I stay in contact with him now - its early days but I can see that he is becoming who he used to be before he met her. 

Its just that today Sophie is 4 years old and she doesnt even know me - I dont even have a name - on her birthday card I have to write "from your Daddys Mummy" it is such a ridiculous situation.

But life is easier not seeing her - if I did then his wife would make it all so very difficult - she has the power to take her away from me again and I am just not up to all of that - I have had a very difficult life and my body is emotionally drained by it all.

I know I will be ok tomorrow - it just hits me all over again on days like this.

So I am doing the best I can which is to show my son all the love I can muster and make him feel loved because there certainly is little love in his family.

Its such a weird situation - but at least I can write it here and get it off my chest.

Parents

  • Dear Oktanol

    I am sooooooooo sorry that I hurt you. I feel mortified that I have hurt you.

    If you knew me you would know that I never meant it to sound as it must have to you.

    I have removed that remark.

    I dont regard anyone who has any type of disability as being less than other people. I have a disability myself.

    I tell him just how special he is as much as I can

    You see I knew for many years that there was something wrong between us and I kept trying to put it right but I couldnt get close to him.

    At least now I know that he loves me and that really is all I need to know.

    He also knows that I love him - I would die for either of my children.

    We only found out that he has aspergers a few months ago and I have been finding it very difficult to accept.

    But now I can accept it. When you have had a child - you have a certain view of that child. For any mother to find out that the child she thought she had is not who he really is - is devastating especially after nearly 40 years. He is very highly functioning and he is just like my little boy again now and I want to protect him but I cant, I dont see him often enough.

    Its not that he has Aspergers really its more that he just is not who I thought he was.

    Parents go through a grieving process when they find out that one of their children, no matter what age, has a disability of any sort.

    He was a very sensitive child and he still is - I am also which is why I have PTSD.

    I only hope you can accept my apology.

    I never meant to hurt anyone but I can see how it would if you took it personally.

    No ones perfect - we all make mistakes.

Reply

  • Dear Oktanol

    I am sooooooooo sorry that I hurt you. I feel mortified that I have hurt you.

    If you knew me you would know that I never meant it to sound as it must have to you.

    I have removed that remark.

    I dont regard anyone who has any type of disability as being less than other people. I have a disability myself.

    I tell him just how special he is as much as I can

    You see I knew for many years that there was something wrong between us and I kept trying to put it right but I couldnt get close to him.

    At least now I know that he loves me and that really is all I need to know.

    He also knows that I love him - I would die for either of my children.

    We only found out that he has aspergers a few months ago and I have been finding it very difficult to accept.

    But now I can accept it. When you have had a child - you have a certain view of that child. For any mother to find out that the child she thought she had is not who he really is - is devastating especially after nearly 40 years. He is very highly functioning and he is just like my little boy again now and I want to protect him but I cant, I dont see him often enough.

    Its not that he has Aspergers really its more that he just is not who I thought he was.

    Parents go through a grieving process when they find out that one of their children, no matter what age, has a disability of any sort.

    He was a very sensitive child and he still is - I am also which is why I have PTSD.

    I only hope you can accept my apology.

    I never meant to hurt anyone but I can see how it would if you took it personally.

    No ones perfect - we all make mistakes.

Children
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