my son has autism, learning difficulties and BESD, I'd never heard of BESD till I noticed it on his EHC, has anyone else experience in this and does it make coping any easier?
my son has autism, learning difficulties and BESD, I'd never heard of BESD till I noticed it on his EHC, has anyone else experience in this and does it make coping any easier?
Guess to apologise is difficult for most people, NT, ND or whatever (as your example probably demonstrates too). Being autistic it's more likely to do it in a way that isn't perceived as an apology or seems timed wrongly or wrong in some other way or it's seen as being overly honest about one's own wrongdoing. Perhaps I should have said more accurately "wanting to apologise" comes naturally to me.
Anyway, off topic really...
oktanol said:[quote][/quote]
In fact. Saying 'sorry' is not in the repertoire of autistic individuals and is one of the social niceties that has to be learnt.
I wouldn't think so at all. Being genuinely sorry and therefore genuinely apologising comes to me very naturally and I think it does so to many others, at least those with mild forms of autism. Fake politeness is a totally different matter. Apart from finding it difficult to do it I can't even see why anyone would appreciate it - could imagine that this is also a common thing for autistic people.
Well, my experience of life is different. When I hurt someone's feelings unintentionally, I feel quilt and remorse, but actually saying sorry is difficult. That kind of social behaviour I only learnt later on in life. Such as sorry, please, thank you etc.
Fake politeness, I learnt even later.
If someone finds all this natural then I consider their autism to be mild.
I have even been physically assaulted (and was lucky to avoid serious injury) over something that had nothing to do with me. The assailant realised this very quickly, but didn't bother to say sorry.
Robert124 said:In fact. Saying 'sorry' is not in the repertoire of autistic individuals and is one of the social niceties that has to be learnt.
I wouldn't think so at all. Being genuinely sorry and therefore genuinely apologising comes to me very naturally and I think it does so to many others, at least those with mild forms of autism. Fake politeness is a totally different matter. Apart from finding it difficult to do it I can't even see why anyone would appreciate it - could imagine that this is also a common thing for autistic people.
NAS18906 said:Hi Robert,
I was not trying to offend you and I am sorry if I have.
I was trying to point out, calling a spade a spade if you will, that you might have caused offence and distress to the OP. Your explanation that you have autism is fine, I knew that, but does it excuse your remarks? Would it hurt so much if you just said sorry?
I think that we are not good at picking up the social conventions and etiquette automatically but we can still learn rules. One of the rules that might help is to think twice and speak once (or even not at all on some occasions).
This thread wasn't all about you. Your last post would move the conversation onto yourself as the subject which would perhaps be better if you started your own thread?
Ok. I am sorry.
And I am going slightly off topic.
In fact. Saying 'sorry' is not in the repertoire of autistic individuals and is one of the social niceties that has to be learnt.
Hi Robert,
I was not trying to offend you and I am sorry if I have.
I was trying to point out, calling a spade a spade if you will, that you might have caused offence and distress to the OP. Your explanation that you have autism is fine, I knew that, but does it excuse your remarks? Would it hurt so much if you just said sorry?
I think that we are not good at picking up the social conventions and etiquette automatically but we can still learn rules. One of the rules that might help is to think twice and speak once (or even not at all on some occasions).
This thread wasn't all about you. Your last post would move the conversation onto yourself as the subject which would perhaps be better if you started your own thread?
NAS18906 said:Oh dear,
Robert, how do you think your comment would be received by the OP who is a real person, with real feelings, with a real child who has real problems?
I'm still upset at your comment, because I am a Yorkshire man and as the old saying goes we call a spade a spade. And as a real child I had real problems and I certainly suffered from what is now called BESD. And the experiences I and other similar children suffered were very bad. Not just name calling but severe physical violence.
I remember one particular day in a 'special' school I attended for a year. When I was 9-10 years old. This was actually in the grounds of a major hospital. There were around twenty of us there. All with emotional, social and educational problems. On that day, two boys from the regular hospital joined us. I think the idea was that it would be better for them to be in our school rather than spending all day on their hospital ward.
Straight away they started complaining to the staff that we were a bunch of f-&_£&£_ e-_£_ m£### and they just wanted to leave. This went on for a couple of hours. They even started shouting at us to keep away from them and treated us as if we had some sort of infectious plague.
My pet gripe as a health professional is the persistence in using acronyms to hide things. It did get better initially when we were expected to copy letters to patients, but it's still not great.
It would be far more useful to have in the record:
Behaviour issues: (list or examples)
Emotional issues: (list or examples)
Social issues: (list or examples)
Why? Not just for families/caregivers but also for other involved health professionals. I used to do detailed notes in my assessment that could have been "summarising the flaming obvious" but many times GPs would thank me for succinct life course summaries that helped them focus on patient identified concerns.
Fortunately got my own GP well trained here in NZ. He has coded my SD16 has an ASD diagnosis, who did the diagnosis and the date. He's "front pages" it so it comes up in secondary care records so if she's injured and acting out they don't assume psychosis
NAS18906 said:Oh dear,
Robert, how do you think your comment would be received by the OP who is a real person, with real feelings, with a real child who has real problems?
My autism showing through, being honest, choosing inappropriate words and hurting people's feelings.
Oh dear,
Robert, how do you think your comment would be received by the OP who is a real person, with real feelings, with a real child who has real problems?
NAS18906 said:But, emotional rather than educational...
www.specialeducationalneeds.co.uk/behavioural-emotional-and-social-difficulties.html
I'm not sure that this is really a thing, it is a collection of things that say that a child has problems.
Polite way of saying, this kid is in a MESS!
But, emotional rather than educational...
www.specialeducationalneeds.co.uk/behavioural-emotional-and-social-difficulties.html
I'm not sure that this is really a thing, it is a collection of things that say that a child has problems.
Robert124 said:[quote][/quote]
my son has autism, learning difficulties and BESD, I'd never heard of BESD till I noticed it on his EHC, has anyone else experience in this and does it make coping any easier?
What do the letters BESD stand for?
Found it on the internet.
Behavioural, educational and social difficulties.
