Aggressive Boys

Hello,

I have two boys aged 12 and 13, both have a diagnosis of Autism and my oldest son also has a diagnosis of ADHD too.

I'm having issues with them at the moment regarding their aggression and general demeanour towards me.

The moment they cant have their own way or something doesn't work to their requirements, all hell breaks loose. They will quite literally demolish the house and items in the home, including windows, tvs etc. They will also take their anger out on me by hitting and lashing out. Over the years I have tried many methods to deter this and offer consequences for it but it just makes matters worse and they end up becoming more aggressive. For example, if I threaten to take their console away as a consequence they will literally look for something to throw at me or lash out at me. The way they communicate with me is heartbreaking too. I'm called every name under the sun, even when they are not high octane. They constantly tell me to F Off. My eldest child often shouts out of the window that I'm hurting him even though I don't use physical punishment of any kind. He tells constant lies about me without any thought for what the outcome may be.

My home is a wreck because of their actions. I'm very concerned that one day their actions will land them in some very hot water. They have no regard for consequences for their actions and believe they are above all punishment. They certainly havent been raised this way, using the language they do and acting out the way they do. I just have no idea how to curb this or prevent it. I understand their age may be a contributing factor also. Has anyone else had this issue and found a solution?

With many thanks in anticipation x

Parents
  • This really resonated with me ... like you I've two lads on the spectrum with my oldest having ADHD too.  My middle lad though (11 yo) struggles with rage ... the slightest wee thing can spark him ... he's physically aggressive at times, mostly with my husband and his two brothers but sometimes me too.  At school he's an absolute angel.  He's damaged so many things at home.  For my son, us staying calm is what helps most but it is honestly so completely draining. I'm also seeing that us being calm is becoming less effective ... not really anything helpful to say but I'll be following to see what tips other folks have to offer.  

Reply
  • This really resonated with me ... like you I've two lads on the spectrum with my oldest having ADHD too.  My middle lad though (11 yo) struggles with rage ... the slightest wee thing can spark him ... he's physically aggressive at times, mostly with my husband and his two brothers but sometimes me too.  At school he's an absolute angel.  He's damaged so many things at home.  For my son, us staying calm is what helps most but it is honestly so completely draining. I'm also seeing that us being calm is becoming less effective ... not really anything helpful to say but I'll be following to see what tips other folks have to offer.  

Children
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