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Aspergers 11year old boy, temper

Sally1505

Aspergers

Hi, my son is recently diagnosed ASD, most fitting the profile of aspergers. He is a loving, smart, creative , funny boy, however, since he started secondary school his behaviour has become worse. He appears that he is unable to deal with disappointment which results in severe tantrums with anger and aggression,

If anyone has any tips out there to help us deal with the tantrums, and also if anyone could share any methods which they have taught their children to help them deal with disappointment before it gets to the tantrum stage we would be really grateful to hear. Example of recent situations: 

1) he couldn't find his shin pads, he shouted at everyone saying that someone must have taken them and we must look for them. During this he will be shouting at the top of his voice, will insult us if we don't help (we will often say that we will only help if he asks nicely), punch and kick doors, more often than not, his shin pads are where he left them, just not where he looked. 

2) he told us he made a mistake on FIFA and wanted more money for FIFA points. He had an old Xbox for sale on Facebook, but with no takers at the moment. He had spent all of his pocket money and was left with no money until the Xbox sold but wanted us to lend him money until it sold, to which we replied that unfortunately we weren't Iain a position to do so..... see 1) above for the reaction.

We have experienced this now 4 times in the last 24 hours for varying reasons and we feel no more armed to deal with them than 6 months ago before we had a diagnosis. Hence our plea on this site for some advice

Parents

  • Hi,

    my son is 14 and has really struggled with anger and aggression. Puberty has really exacerbated this and I notice it worsens every time he grows or his body develops a bit more. He has a number of special needs including autism and does take a combination of meds to help with this. Some days are really difficult but generally the following things help;

    - me keeping as calm as possible (which is sometimes very difficult - I have become an excellent actress!)

    - I always now tell him I can see how difficult he is finding the situation and how hard that must be for him. I tell him I would like to help and am ready to just as soon as he feels calm enough to tell me how I can. Usually that eventually allows him to see I am not the enemy and he will talk about how he is feeling

    - ice! Cubes, slush, playing with it, drinking it, anything really to do with ice - sometimes just placing it on the back of his neck helps

    - water - if I can get him in the shower or bath when he is angry he usually calms significantly

    - jumping up and down with him and squeezing his hands

    - telling him I am on his team but can't help him if he is hurting me

    - ignoring any swearing or destructive behaviour (he often wants me to respond and tell him off etc and the more I respond the worse he gets)

    - we talk about the fact that anger is one of his special needs and sometimes we "tell" his anger how much we dislike it and how it is making life for hard for us. That seems to help.

    We also have a great local police officer who came out one of the times we had to call the police a couple of years ago. He still comes round to see my son voluntarily and chats with him about how he is doing and reinforces how dangerous anger can be. This really helps as it is so positive and my son views him as a mate which is fantastic.

    Hope this all helps!

Reply

  • Hi,

    my son is 14 and has really struggled with anger and aggression. Puberty has really exacerbated this and I notice it worsens every time he grows or his body develops a bit more. He has a number of special needs including autism and does take a combination of meds to help with this. Some days are really difficult but generally the following things help;

    - me keeping as calm as possible (which is sometimes very difficult - I have become an excellent actress!)

    - I always now tell him I can see how difficult he is finding the situation and how hard that must be for him. I tell him I would like to help and am ready to just as soon as he feels calm enough to tell me how I can. Usually that eventually allows him to see I am not the enemy and he will talk about how he is feeling

    - ice! Cubes, slush, playing with it, drinking it, anything really to do with ice - sometimes just placing it on the back of his neck helps

    - water - if I can get him in the shower or bath when he is angry he usually calms significantly

    - jumping up and down with him and squeezing his hands

    - telling him I am on his team but can't help him if he is hurting me

    - ignoring any swearing or destructive behaviour (he often wants me to respond and tell him off etc and the more I respond the worse he gets)

    - we talk about the fact that anger is one of his special needs and sometimes we "tell" his anger how much we dislike it and how it is making life for hard for us. That seems to help.

    We also have a great local police officer who came out one of the times we had to call the police a couple of years ago. He still comes round to see my son voluntarily and chats with him about how he is doing and reinforces how dangerous anger can be. This really helps as it is so positive and my son views him as a mate which is fantastic.

    Hope this all helps!

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