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Aspergers 11year old boy, temper

Sally1505

Aspergers

Hi, my son is recently diagnosed ASD, most fitting the profile of aspergers. He is a loving, smart, creative , funny boy, however, since he started secondary school his behaviour has become worse. He appears that he is unable to deal with disappointment which results in severe tantrums with anger and aggression,

If anyone has any tips out there to help us deal with the tantrums, and also if anyone could share any methods which they have taught their children to help them deal with disappointment before it gets to the tantrum stage we would be really grateful to hear. Example of recent situations: 

1) he couldn't find his shin pads, he shouted at everyone saying that someone must have taken them and we must look for them. During this he will be shouting at the top of his voice, will insult us if we don't help (we will often say that we will only help if he asks nicely), punch and kick doors, more often than not, his shin pads are where he left them, just not where he looked. 

2) he told us he made a mistake on FIFA and wanted more money for FIFA points. He had an old Xbox for sale on Facebook, but with no takers at the moment. He had spent all of his pocket money and was left with no money until the Xbox sold but wanted us to lend him money until it sold, to which we replied that unfortunately we weren't Iain a position to do so..... see 1) above for the reaction.

We have experienced this now 4 times in the last 24 hours for varying reasons and we feel no more armed to deal with them than 6 months ago before we had a diagnosis. Hence our plea on this site for some advice

Parents

  • Hi Sally - could one of the "diversionary tactics" suggested by Trainspotter be something designated that your son could punch when he has a meltdown?  My parents bought me a child's punchball but if they are too expensive maybe an old cushion or pillow.

    I'm 56 now (and have never had children) but I can certainly empathise with how your son feels.  The transition from primary to secondary school was a particularly challenging time for me - and in those days there was no diagnosis or support for Asperger's - and I vividly remember being in tears, or exploding with anger, when I got home.

    Not that I can claim to control myself much better now.  My meltdowns are quite rare (as I've aged, they've tended to morph into despair and depression) but I recently became so annoyed about something I had to slam a door within the house over 20 times in succession.  I was completely alone so it wasn't "staged" for anyone.  I liken my meltdowns to sneezes; there is very little warning and they cannot be stopped, or at least any attempt at stifling them only makes the eventual release all the greater. 

    That's why the diversion, whatever it is, needs to be something that can be accessed immediately.  Have you tried the various websites on anger management techniques for children generally? 

    As your son is smart, creative and funny, maybe humour would be an effective tactic - trying to make him see the amusing side of an annoyance or even his own anger?  Of course, humour is very personal so it would have to be in a way that chimes with his particular brand.

Reply

  • Hi Sally - could one of the "diversionary tactics" suggested by Trainspotter be something designated that your son could punch when he has a meltdown?  My parents bought me a child's punchball but if they are too expensive maybe an old cushion or pillow.

    I'm 56 now (and have never had children) but I can certainly empathise with how your son feels.  The transition from primary to secondary school was a particularly challenging time for me - and in those days there was no diagnosis or support for Asperger's - and I vividly remember being in tears, or exploding with anger, when I got home.

    Not that I can claim to control myself much better now.  My meltdowns are quite rare (as I've aged, they've tended to morph into despair and depression) but I recently became so annoyed about something I had to slam a door within the house over 20 times in succession.  I was completely alone so it wasn't "staged" for anyone.  I liken my meltdowns to sneezes; there is very little warning and they cannot be stopped, or at least any attempt at stifling them only makes the eventual release all the greater. 

    That's why the diversion, whatever it is, needs to be something that can be accessed immediately.  Have you tried the various websites on anger management techniques for children generally? 

    As your son is smart, creative and funny, maybe humour would be an effective tactic - trying to make him see the amusing side of an annoyance or even his own anger?  Of course, humour is very personal so it would have to be in a way that chimes with his particular brand.

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