• Replies 4 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 1968 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Aspergers 11year old boy, temper

Sally1505

Aspergers

Hi, my son is recently diagnosed ASD, most fitting the profile of aspergers. He is a loving, smart, creative , funny boy, however, since he started secondary school his behaviour has become worse. He appears that he is unable to deal with disappointment which results in severe tantrums with anger and aggression,

If anyone has any tips out there to help us deal with the tantrums, and also if anyone could share any methods which they have taught their children to help them deal with disappointment before it gets to the tantrum stage we would be really grateful to hear. Example of recent situations: 

1) he couldn't find his shin pads, he shouted at everyone saying that someone must have taken them and we must look for them. During this he will be shouting at the top of his voice, will insult us if we don't help (we will often say that we will only help if he asks nicely), punch and kick doors, more often than not, his shin pads are where he left them, just not where he looked. 

2) he told us he made a mistake on FIFA and wanted more money for FIFA points. He had an old Xbox for sale on Facebook, but with no takers at the moment. He had spent all of his pocket money and was left with no money until the Xbox sold but wanted us to lend him money until it sold, to which we replied that unfortunately we weren't Iain a position to do so..... see 1) above for the reaction.

We have experienced this now 4 times in the last 24 hours for varying reasons and we feel no more armed to deal with them than 6 months ago before we had a diagnosis. Hence our plea on this site for some advice

Parents

  • Never underestimate either the tenacity or the temper of an Aspie!

    Losing their temper is something they do best - I know, I am also autistic.  Although now 62, and not long diagnosed, I was obviously autistic at your son's age.  And it was not pleasant for anyone near me when I got in that state.

    Like your son, I set my heart on something and wanted it.  I would lose my temper, issue threats and get punished.  (and punished meant a good hiding in those days!)  It didn't help much, I might have complied for a short time but it didn't take much to make me pull the same trick some other time.

    I know your feeling is that you shouldn't give in, and I agree with that.  So what you have to do is put in some sort of diversionary tactic for his energies.  You have to understand that having a dicky fit is in his veru being and will be in the backgound all his life - it might be able to be managed but there will always be times when it is ready to show itself..

    Even at my age, and with my experience, I put things down and don't know what I've done with them, insisting my wife has tidied them away - sometimes even finding they are in my hand all the time.  My theory about this is that things are not 'registering', they are seen and looked at but somehow the brain is not registering what they are.  And this is something I have had to cope with all my life.

    I am sure others will be more able to help you with changing his behaviour.  My advice is to find out a diversionary tactic that works - or better still a few tactics so you don't keep using the same one so he becomes wise to it.  Above all I think he needs some sort of hope that for example, his xbox will sell and it just did not happen this time.  And myself I can be extremely impatient, but am also very patient and meticulous.  So he may also have patience that needs nurturing. 

    Make it clear that money has to be earned, and there are only certain times of the year that he can really expect a gift - that is his birthday and Christmas.  Yes, you will be able to help him at other times but he does not need to know that, and anything outside those times is given for good behaviour.  Autistic people do have a capacity to cope if I am anything to go by. 

    And tantrums need treating with comfort, not punishment.

Reply

  • Never underestimate either the tenacity or the temper of an Aspie!

    Losing their temper is something they do best - I know, I am also autistic.  Although now 62, and not long diagnosed, I was obviously autistic at your son's age.  And it was not pleasant for anyone near me when I got in that state.

    Like your son, I set my heart on something and wanted it.  I would lose my temper, issue threats and get punished.  (and punished meant a good hiding in those days!)  It didn't help much, I might have complied for a short time but it didn't take much to make me pull the same trick some other time.

    I know your feeling is that you shouldn't give in, and I agree with that.  So what you have to do is put in some sort of diversionary tactic for his energies.  You have to understand that having a dicky fit is in his veru being and will be in the backgound all his life - it might be able to be managed but there will always be times when it is ready to show itself..

    Even at my age, and with my experience, I put things down and don't know what I've done with them, insisting my wife has tidied them away - sometimes even finding they are in my hand all the time.  My theory about this is that things are not 'registering', they are seen and looked at but somehow the brain is not registering what they are.  And this is something I have had to cope with all my life.

    I am sure others will be more able to help you with changing his behaviour.  My advice is to find out a diversionary tactic that works - or better still a few tactics so you don't keep using the same one so he becomes wise to it.  Above all I think he needs some sort of hope that for example, his xbox will sell and it just did not happen this time.  And myself I can be extremely impatient, but am also very patient and meticulous.  So he may also have patience that needs nurturing. 

    Make it clear that money has to be earned, and there are only certain times of the year that he can really expect a gift - that is his birthday and Christmas.  Yes, you will be able to help him at other times but he does not need to know that, and anything outside those times is given for good behaviour.  Autistic people do have a capacity to cope if I am anything to go by. 

    And tantrums need treating with comfort, not punishment.

Children
No Data