touchy subject

you cant just introduce him to a girl and expect it to work when he can be inappropriate in what he says as in he likes breasts and doesnt understand its not right to ask to see them. My other child wouldnt dream of touching himself infront of others as he knows this isnt the way to behave he understands unspoken language that a Aspergers ot autistic person wouldnt.

I would like nothing more than him to have a realtionship when he's ready and understands whats ok and whats not. But right now i believe he needs to awareness andd that isnt easy.

Sadly because its sexual behaviour its a taboo subject too and its difficult for us as the parent carer to openly talk

A close or romantic friendship between two people tends not to be expressed in spoken language, but in the very areas that people on the spectrum are least able to manage and control.

Having said that, some people on the spectrum whose autism characteristics are not immediately obvious, seem very desirable to non-autistic partners perhaps because their non-spoken communication seems less threatening, polite, attentive.

Sometimes people latch on very quickly to the fact that you have trouble reciprocating emotionally so nothing develops. But there are plenty of threads here about difficult marriages and marital breakdown, and previously undiagnosed AS is considered a possible factor in marital breakdowns where one partner finds the other unduly insensitive.

For those with outwardly more manifest dificulties they will seek relationships but find themselves rebuffed and hurt.  It can also be very difficult for a person with AS to initiate making approaches, either involving having to work up to the move to the point of obsession, or coming over very much the opposite of desirable.

I'm not trying to be negative or discourage people from seeking romance. Far from it. But it is important to read up on the difficulties, which is why I suggested books, and also biographies of people with AS are quite revealing. That will help prepare you for what may prove unconventional. I just think being informed is better, and I wish discussion forums like this addressed it more.

Also he may simply find his own company sufficient. Sometimes that's a mercy.

Longman I see what you mean about social groups and AS but how do you find a mate/lover/your ideal person unless you make some kind of effort to make contact? Do you do internet dating? There must be a spark between two people in the first place. I would much rather my son fall in love with someone he knows of through a group or friends rather just meeting them at the train station, pub, supermarket for example.

I will introduce, give my son lots of opportunity to mingle and have that chance. If he is not interested no problem. I'd much rather he try all the things non disabled do. Surely he doesn't have to be sexually disabled too.

A lack of comprehension of what AS is about - yep I hold my hand up to that one, still struggling after three years I don't mind saying I need educating here.

As far as I can see, it's nothing simpler than boy meets girl no taboo and no politics ect. There's no right and no wrong. If he had a girlfriend they can explore, dealing with and respecting the sensory issues together for each other and that will be between those two people only - whatever their sexual orientation.

H

There are books on this subject. Some though tend to sound like non-asperger/autism perspectives that you would giove to someone shy or lacking confidence.  So I'm aware of books that look dubious in terms of whether they really help, but felt I ought at least to mention a couple.

Isabell Henault (2006) Asperger's Syndrome and Sexuality - from adolescence through adulthood, Jessica Kingsley Publishers looks helpful to me.

Genevieve Edmonds & Dean Worton (2005) The Asperger Love Guide - A practical Guide for adults with Asperger's syndrome to seeking, establishing and maintaining successful relationships, Paul Chapman Publishing, which might be useful to parents looking at the main issues.

The trouble is sex and disability has always been a taboo subject, but particularly crucial with autism and aspergers, it never seems to lift off. One posting a month ago indicated they were homosexual - I though maybe some discussion would ensue, but no - end of thread.

Yet this is an absolutely vital issue for people on the spectrum. Propabably because of lack of social interface and therefore peer learning, some people on the spectrum experience ambiguous sexual orientation. Do you see or hear it discussed anywhere?

I mean obviously I don't know whether the behaviours are conventional urges but no social constraints, or whether you mean unusual sexuality, but why is it so difficult to explore this crucial subject.

I'm not sure that just getting him a girl as suggested above is apt for autistic spectrum, that's not dealing with or respecting the sensory issues. Social groups aren't necessarily productive because soalising is one of the key aspects of the disability. Social groups might work for non-autistic young people, but why this should magically resolve things for autistic people suggests a lack of comprehension of what AS is about.

Could this sort of discourse be encouraged and explored a bit more on here.

try Googling Netbuddy for tips and strategies it's a great website I have just discovered.

at our local NAS branch we have an ACE club for young people sounds like he needs to find some kind of social club where he could slot in and meet people.

children (13, 14 for example) still have underage sex so I am not too worried about his maturity but still a concern. I am sure sex is for everyone as long as he doesn't get into trouble.

what do you think? it's sounds like you need to get your head round it and then move forward.

Good Luck with it Kindest Regards

ive never shyed away from any sublect with him or my daughter i deal with everything they go through as there dad finds it hard to deal with having many traits if aspergers himself. It would be fantastic for him to get a girlfriend but its far from easy for him since finishing school and college he hardly meets people and only really goes out when he has appointments. I know he desperatley wants a relationship but maturity wise he's not his biologicol age.

poor boy I would definately:

introduce potential girlfriends and make sure she is on the Pill. Everyone needs to feel loved. There must be somebody out there for him.

Make sure he has had sex education.

If you are embarassed well it's a time for you both to grow. Part of parenting I'm afraid to sort out this subject. Man up and just do it.

This will be my strategy for my son.