Who else has been told that your child is too able to qualify for help in mainstream school?

Just that really. My son is 7 and in Y3 mainstrea. He is academically ahead but socially and emotionally behind by 2-3years. He refuses to do work in class and I think sometimes that is due to not understanding or not wanting to say he thinks it's too hard. Teachers think he is naughty. Writing things down is always resisted. The school don't seem to know how to help a child who doesn't just "get" social stuff or ask for help.  Who else is in the same boat? What has worked? What hasn't? Why aren't schools able to support our kids?