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advice on what to do please re: anger and aggression

mummy of 3

hi all i have a 12yr old son who is aspergers ive really struggled this summer holiday with his anger and aggression. I have two younger children my daughter is 8 and has a serious heart condition and my youngest son is 4 who is currently on the waiting list for an autism assesment. This summer holiday my oldest has broke so many things that i cant possibly afford to replace. His anger and aggression is at the point his younger siblings are scared of him and when he has a meltdown or outburst he scares me. So far he has broke over £400 worth of stuff and when i refuse to replace the items he gets violent or aggressive how can i manage this behaviour? My neighbours are starting to complain about the noise as my son wil constantly slam doors and bang the walls ive explained to my neighbours the situation and they do try to understand but when its everyday all day alot of the time i can understand why they are getting fed up. My son has had art therapy but that hasnt worked CAMHS says he doesnt need anger management and that i just have to deal with it, im at my witts end does anyone know if there is anyone who can help as im struggling thank you

Parents

  • I am new to this forum and only just received a confirmed diagnosis a few days ago for my daughter (I am calling her Jane).

    Mummy of 3, The troubles you have had with your professionals are ridiculous.  I do not have and OT or CAMHS doctor (wouldn't know how to get them), but I do have an FSP (Family Support Plan) with the school.  They contact everybody who can be helpful. Speech and Language, school nurse amongst others.  They then make sure things are working - what you want to achieve from the plan, who you need help from, can anything be improved upon and they continue to work with you the whole way through school.

    I discovered something about my own daughter just recently as I have been trying to work out some patterns.  We went on holiday (disaster) violent and rude for about 5 days. Then behaviour calmed a little but a few days later it had sky rocketed again, it took her about three days to let me know in some meek way that she wanted to go home. the behaviour has continued over the summer, and a few days before going back to school she managed to tell me she was, scared, nervous and worried about going back.  For (Jane) every time we have a change it is becomming more and more difficult. 

    I am so grateful to all the guys that have put remarks on here.  My little girl is becomming really agressive, is physically hurting me and spitting in my face, telling me I am stupid, a wicked stepmother (I'm her real mum) and so many other hurtful things.  Wishing my husband was here instead of me (he died in May). But she now worries me as I have a three year old and she is starting to show signs of agression towards him.  I thought I was the only one and alone in this, i am so relieved to know others understand this feeling.

    (The swimming part was so true except she can communicate, never came out.  Husband on chemo, baby and a child refusing to get out of pool you can't even get into! and the next lesson being disturbed!) I used to pretend to walk off - doesn't work, don't know why I bothered or actually still do it, I just try.

    I don't know what advice to give you Mummy 3, other than I can sypathise in parts.  I only have two children and only one is Autistic, but you mention your husband is seriously ill? I have just spent the last 5 years caring for my husband and he passed away in May, trying to manage a baby, and unknown Autistic child and a critically ill husband took it's toll.  I really hope that unlike me, you can have someone to talk to.  If not, talk about your worries here.  

    Someone above mentioned groups.  I can't get my daughter into them, we have tried, swimming, tennis, football, dancing and some others.  She refuses to participate choosing to hide, or go completely crazy and disrupting everyone else.  But, in your circumstances I should imagine it is nearly impossibe to go anywhere.  Caring for my husband and his needs then trying to get (Jane) and my little one ready, it was nearly midday before we could even leave the house.

    I really hope you have someone to help you through this, and I hope you can find some solutions.  I am so sorry you are going through such turmoil.

Reply

  • I am new to this forum and only just received a confirmed diagnosis a few days ago for my daughter (I am calling her Jane).

    Mummy of 3, The troubles you have had with your professionals are ridiculous.  I do not have and OT or CAMHS doctor (wouldn't know how to get them), but I do have an FSP (Family Support Plan) with the school.  They contact everybody who can be helpful. Speech and Language, school nurse amongst others.  They then make sure things are working - what you want to achieve from the plan, who you need help from, can anything be improved upon and they continue to work with you the whole way through school.

    I discovered something about my own daughter just recently as I have been trying to work out some patterns.  We went on holiday (disaster) violent and rude for about 5 days. Then behaviour calmed a little but a few days later it had sky rocketed again, it took her about three days to let me know in some meek way that she wanted to go home. the behaviour has continued over the summer, and a few days before going back to school she managed to tell me she was, scared, nervous and worried about going back.  For (Jane) every time we have a change it is becomming more and more difficult. 

    I am so grateful to all the guys that have put remarks on here.  My little girl is becomming really agressive, is physically hurting me and spitting in my face, telling me I am stupid, a wicked stepmother (I'm her real mum) and so many other hurtful things.  Wishing my husband was here instead of me (he died in May). But she now worries me as I have a three year old and she is starting to show signs of agression towards him.  I thought I was the only one and alone in this, i am so relieved to know others understand this feeling.

    (The swimming part was so true except she can communicate, never came out.  Husband on chemo, baby and a child refusing to get out of pool you can't even get into! and the next lesson being disturbed!) I used to pretend to walk off - doesn't work, don't know why I bothered or actually still do it, I just try.

    I don't know what advice to give you Mummy 3, other than I can sypathise in parts.  I only have two children and only one is Autistic, but you mention your husband is seriously ill? I have just spent the last 5 years caring for my husband and he passed away in May, trying to manage a baby, and unknown Autistic child and a critically ill husband took it's toll.  I really hope that unlike me, you can have someone to talk to.  If not, talk about your worries here.  

    Someone above mentioned groups.  I can't get my daughter into them, we have tried, swimming, tennis, football, dancing and some others.  She refuses to participate choosing to hide, or go completely crazy and disrupting everyone else.  But, in your circumstances I should imagine it is nearly impossibe to go anywhere.  Caring for my husband and his needs then trying to get (Jane) and my little one ready, it was nearly midday before we could even leave the house.

    I really hope you have someone to help you through this, and I hope you can find some solutions.  I am so sorry you are going through such turmoil.

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