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Throwing in the towel

Mrsberry

Hi all, my son is 14 and has severe autism, non verbal with added behaviour problems. I am seriously considering asking the (rubbish) social worker about residentail care as im completely broken and just cant do it anymore, i have 2 younger children ages 7 and 10 and my other half who also suffers with bipolar and i just dont cope at all anymore, my son gets 4 night respite every 3 weeks due to his behaviour and i seem to spend my life counting the days for every stay, its not life for me or my other kids as we cant go out, do fun things as my son wont go out. He absolutly loves going to respite and hates coming home, its like a kick in the guts every time. I have no friends and just my mother who seems to think its easy and when i mentioned him going in a care home she says im abandoing him and i *dont want him, just going to throw him away* so as you can see i dont get much support. Does anyone have experience of doing this? do i even have a chance of doing it before hes 16 ( they have told me once hes 16 they can begin his case for it) the thought of another 2 years is making me more depressed then i already am. Any advice is much apreciated x

  • hello

    You sound at your wits end, and it's hardly surprising, you are a mum to 3 not supermum to one! It seems like you have recognised the boundary between meeting your son's needs (with ASD) and trying to be positive active mum to the other 2 younger ones.

    The balance of family life shoudl be looked at perhaps through another single assesment via your social worker. If you suggest residential care/school it may be that they woudl seek evidence that current place of school is not meeting his needs. If this is not a possibility then increased respite must be fought for.

    With regards to your mum's comments about abandoning him; you are not! If succesful with residential school he will come home weekends and holidays - much the same as boarding school for foreign students or the wealthy (er) famiies that chose boarding school.

    I am oftern asked if my son is an irritant; he is not but the behaviours he displays and aggression are irritating.

    Good luck - hopefully a single assessment can start asap for your family.

    best wishes

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi Mrsberry,

    I do not envy your position but I do have some inkling of what you are going through. I can only offer my best wishes and support from afar. You have probably achieved a great deal by getting this far with so little support.

    I don't have the direct experience you are talking about but I have a couple of other thoughts.

    Have you had any support workers coming in to help you with him? He sounds as though he is eligible for Disability Living Allowance and that could be used to pay for someone to come in to help look after him.

    You say that your husband has bipolar. Has he been tested for autism/aspergers? There are lots of people on the forum who have been misadiagnosed with all sorts of disorders before someone works out that autism might be the root cause of their issues. your son my have inherited traits that have developed into severe autism, it is often worth looking at other family members in these situations as it can help resolve other issues.