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Daughter not being invited to birthday parties

mrs.snooks

I have Aspergers myself and have very few friends and now my Asperger's daughter (aged 8) has come to me saying that she has not been invited to two girls parties in her class (the class has 9 other girls). We invited both these girls to my daughter's party. She is really upset and doesn't understand why they would not invite her. I am really upset too as it just feeds into the overwelming fear that my daughter will become just as lonely and isolated as how I am now.

Any advice very welcome.

  • could it be that they are not friends ....

    it don't help your daughter much to understand that not everyone wants to be a friend but that is the main thing. Might be nothing to do with her being ASD. Just simply not friendly enough with her even if she is trying to be with them.   

    Good opportunity to learn to manage upsets and dissappointments

    X

  • I have also found that quite often Mum's are delighted to be asked to do something with their children- you might find other Mum's are lonely too. I know how thrilled I was when a mum recently approached me outside my daughter's preschool saying how well our children played together and that she would love to do some playdates with us both.  You also already have a lot in common with children of the same age and in the same school/class which helps.

    Not only could this help you to feel less isolated but it could help to strength the bond between you daugther and the other child- you might even meet more new friends in the process.

  • Hi Mrs snooks. tml12's suggestion is a good one - as a female Aspie I enjoy being with one person much more than being in a group.

    Perhaps you could invite one of your daughter's friends to your house for tea? Then maybe you could invite the friend's mum in for a cup of tea when she comes to pick her up and see if there is any chance of a friendship building for you? 

  • There could be any number of reasons why your daughter was not invited - maybe the girls had smaller parties? Maybe cost of invitations played a part? Some activities are costed by child. Maybe the type of party led to restrictions on numbers etc... of course there could well be more to it but equally it could be something as simple as this and unfortunate that it occured with both. It could be that the girls only invited their closest friends rather than everyone in the class for example as well.

    I can imagine it is hard my daughter is only 3 so not at school yet and something we have yet to encounter but I would encourage your daugther to see that there could be lots of reasons which are not related to her and then maybe boost her confidence by suggesting a nice treat/outing with you or a favourite friend so she still has something to look forward to and enjoy. Maybe you could ask a favourite friend of hers and their mum so you could get to know the mum too?