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Bad manners and good manners in sickness and in health

peteandliz

Our 13 year old son was recently diagnosed with aspergers. He has all the classic problems with socialising and social communications, but is academically sound. We have not told him about his condition yet. Most of the time he does not use good manners, despite our constant reminders - he very rarely says please and thankyou and generally shows little empathy or respect. BUT whenever he is ill, even with just a cold, he becomes a different child. He is impeccably polite, well mannered and thoughtful. When he gets better he reverts to his normal self. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I be encouraged that deep down he does know how to behave properly, or discouraged because his 'normal' self rejects this?

thank you

Parents

  • longman, you've hit the nail on the head. I think as my daughter grows older she finds it much more difficult to hide her intollerance of people and the growing pressure of now attending comp rather than primary has taken its toll.

    My daughters anxiety manifests in her becoming very loud and she does not have any problem shouting out to her teacher in class things such as 'this doesn't make any sense' which as a year 7 appears increadibly rude to the teacher but the other kids find it entertaining.

    She's not been bullied, I think this is because when she first started a boy in her class started calling her names and she hit him so hard she made him cry, so I think the other kids are a little wary of her, I was appalled at first because I couldn't believe she'd do that to another child, but in hindsight maybe it did her a favour because it gave her a bit of a don't mess with me persona.

    She is generally quite loud and abrupt at home, I sometimes feel that this is to keep my attention as I have an older daughter also. I guess when she's ill she knows that she's got my full attention!! Don't get me wrong, she's an adorable girl who can be very loving at times (always on her terms lol) I certainly would never be without her.

    Cheers

    Andrea

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  • longman, you've hit the nail on the head. I think as my daughter grows older she finds it much more difficult to hide her intollerance of people and the growing pressure of now attending comp rather than primary has taken its toll.

    My daughters anxiety manifests in her becoming very loud and she does not have any problem shouting out to her teacher in class things such as 'this doesn't make any sense' which as a year 7 appears increadibly rude to the teacher but the other kids find it entertaining.

    She's not been bullied, I think this is because when she first started a boy in her class started calling her names and she hit him so hard she made him cry, so I think the other kids are a little wary of her, I was appalled at first because I couldn't believe she'd do that to another child, but in hindsight maybe it did her a favour because it gave her a bit of a don't mess with me persona.

    She is generally quite loud and abrupt at home, I sometimes feel that this is to keep my attention as I have an older daughter also. I guess when she's ill she knows that she's got my full attention!! Don't get me wrong, she's an adorable girl who can be very loving at times (always on her terms lol) I certainly would never be without her.

    Cheers

    Andrea

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