Bad manners and good manners in sickness and in health

Our 13 year old son was recently diagnosed with aspergers. He has all the classic problems with socialising and social communications, but is academically sound. We have not told him about his condition yet. Most of the time he does not use good manners, despite our constant reminders - he very rarely says please and thankyou and generally shows little empathy or respect. BUT whenever he is ill, even with just a cold, he becomes a different child. He is impeccably polite, well mannered and thoughtful. When he gets better he reverts to his normal self. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I be encouraged that deep down he does know how to behave properly, or discouraged because his 'normal' self rejects this?

thank you

Parents
  • Thanks again longman. A lot of what you say rings true with our son - the slow build-up of events leading to what appears to be an over-reaction to something minor;and the overload of information causing stress. I'm going to get the Tantam book and try and learn more about my son's world. The fact that deep down he can be pleasant and polite - even though he is physically unwell - shows that his behaviour at other times may be a result of outside pressures rather than his 'real' self.

    Regards.

Reply
  • Thanks again longman. A lot of what you say rings true with our son - the slow build-up of events leading to what appears to be an over-reaction to something minor;and the overload of information causing stress. I'm going to get the Tantam book and try and learn more about my son's world. The fact that deep down he can be pleasant and polite - even though he is physically unwell - shows that his behaviour at other times may be a result of outside pressures rather than his 'real' self.

    Regards.

Children
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