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Bad manners and good manners in sickness and in health

peteandliz

Our 13 year old son was recently diagnosed with aspergers. He has all the classic problems with socialising and social communications, but is academically sound. We have not told him about his condition yet. Most of the time he does not use good manners, despite our constant reminders - he very rarely says please and thankyou and generally shows little empathy or respect. BUT whenever he is ill, even with just a cold, he becomes a different child. He is impeccably polite, well mannered and thoughtful. When he gets better he reverts to his normal self. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I be encouraged that deep down he does know how to behave properly, or discouraged because his 'normal' self rejects this?

thank you

Parents

  • Thanks andyjay. Our son's lack of manners is not related to adolescence - he has always been like this, and always been much better when he has been ill. Yet another mystery of this mysterious condition. Like you, we do constantly stress the need to be polite, and never let rudeness go without comment. Sometimes it seems to be sinking in, at other times we seem to have made no progress. Every time he is ill I hope that he will emerge into good health with his manners miraculously intact - but no luck yet.

    We have put off telling him about the diagnosis as we fear he will go into denial and withdraw even more. But reading other comments here I think we need to steel ourselves and get it done. Hopefully it will help him come to terms with who he is and be more settled and happier in the long run.

    Thanks again

Reply

  • Thanks andyjay. Our son's lack of manners is not related to adolescence - he has always been like this, and always been much better when he has been ill. Yet another mystery of this mysterious condition. Like you, we do constantly stress the need to be polite, and never let rudeness go without comment. Sometimes it seems to be sinking in, at other times we seem to have made no progress. Every time he is ill I hope that he will emerge into good health with his manners miraculously intact - but no luck yet.

    We have put off telling him about the diagnosis as we fear he will go into denial and withdraw even more. But reading other comments here I think we need to steel ourselves and get it done. Hopefully it will help him come to terms with who he is and be more settled and happier in the long run.

    Thanks again

Children
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