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Bad manners and good manners in sickness and in health

peteandliz

Our 13 year old son was recently diagnosed with aspergers. He has all the classic problems with socialising and social communications, but is academically sound. We have not told him about his condition yet. Most of the time he does not use good manners, despite our constant reminders - he very rarely says please and thankyou and generally shows little empathy or respect. BUT whenever he is ill, even with just a cold, he becomes a different child. He is impeccably polite, well mannered and thoughtful. When he gets better he reverts to his normal self. Has anyone else experienced this? Should I be encouraged that deep down he does know how to behave properly, or discouraged because his 'normal' self rejects this?

thank you

Parents

  • Hi, I've got a 12 year old girl who is as yet undiagnosed, we see the child psychologist next week so fingers crossed. My GP suggested Aspergers to us and after doing lots of reading and research I think he's right.

    Has your sons lack of manners started recently? The reason I ask is because my daughter sounds very much like your son.

    She has always been academically good, a high achiever throughout her primary school and was previously very polite outside of the home (she's always been a house devil!! lol)

    I've seen a serious deterioration in her manners and the way she is with other people since she hit adolescence. She no longer seems to have the patience to deal with people and is becoming increasingly rude, aggressive and defiant.

    I think some of it is down to her almost teenage hormones, my older daughter who has no issues went through a kevin the teenager stage at the same age and I've wondered whether it's exagerated due to her Aspergers.

    Again like your son, if my daughter is ill she is like a different child and will be very nice, polite and pleasant.

    I constantly remind her about the way she is with people and to say please, thankyou etc. Although it doesn't always seem to make any difference I think if I keep plugging away the message might sink in eventually! I also make sure that I explain to her why it's important to do so.

    When do you plan to tell your son about his diagnosis? I've been very open with my daughter about what's happening and she seems to have accepted this with no real problems.

    I'm pleased to tell you that my older daughters Kevin like ways have calmed down considerably now, she's almost 15.

     

Reply

  • Hi, I've got a 12 year old girl who is as yet undiagnosed, we see the child psychologist next week so fingers crossed. My GP suggested Aspergers to us and after doing lots of reading and research I think he's right.

    Has your sons lack of manners started recently? The reason I ask is because my daughter sounds very much like your son.

    She has always been academically good, a high achiever throughout her primary school and was previously very polite outside of the home (she's always been a house devil!! lol)

    I've seen a serious deterioration in her manners and the way she is with other people since she hit adolescence. She no longer seems to have the patience to deal with people and is becoming increasingly rude, aggressive and defiant.

    I think some of it is down to her almost teenage hormones, my older daughter who has no issues went through a kevin the teenager stage at the same age and I've wondered whether it's exagerated due to her Aspergers.

    Again like your son, if my daughter is ill she is like a different child and will be very nice, polite and pleasant.

    I constantly remind her about the way she is with people and to say please, thankyou etc. Although it doesn't always seem to make any difference I think if I keep plugging away the message might sink in eventually! I also make sure that I explain to her why it's important to do so.

    When do you plan to tell your son about his diagnosis? I've been very open with my daughter about what's happening and she seems to have accepted this with no real problems.

    I'm pleased to tell you that my older daughters Kevin like ways have calmed down considerably now, she's almost 15.

     

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