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Son put in isolation for the day, advice please.

Sammy1980

Hi my son has high functioning aspergers and attends a local sixth form studying A levels.

The school/sixth form are really strict on mobiles on the site, they aren't allowed out in non sixth form areas, well my son went in that morning dressed in shorts even though I said it was too cold, not long after dropping him off I got a phone call from him asking for jeans to be dropped off, probably sounds familiar to you all.

I waited outside and was trying to ring him because there was no sign of him, he looked at his phone in an area that he wasnt allowed, he was flustered trying to get to me as quick as possible between lessons.  A teacher saw him and started shouting at him in front of everyone and my son kept repeating i've put it away, i've got to go my mum is waiting.  This wasn't good enough for the teacher and he then made my son stand against the wall humiliating him, the teacher wouldn't let him talk so he walked off, the man was shouting in front of everyone to come back, other teachers came rushing towards him, he felt totally overwhelmed.  When I saw him I could see the panic on his face and he said im in so much trouble and went back inside to say sorry to the teacher.  He was so focused on getting to me and doing what I told him to do he couldn't comply with the teacher, he will always follow what I say over everyone.  I rang the school straight away and said he had his phone because I was ringing it while I was waiting outside.

They want to stick him in isolation for the day on a red warning for disobedience, it really wasn't the case and there have been no other issues like this before.  How can I explain to them that it was his aspergers, he wasn't being naughty.  He broke down after school, he never cries, he didn't know what to do :(

I would love some tips on what to say to the school in the morning because I don't feel he should be punished that harshly.

Parents
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Every situation like this is an opportunity for people to make choices.

    You can choose to turn this into more of a problem than it is.

    You can choose to encourage your son to learn from the situation and ignore the punishment. There is actually a funny side to this - the idea of putting someone with autism into isolation is extremely paradoxical. He might prefer isolation rather than being forced to be social? If he can rise above it and invoke a birdman from alcatraz style attitude then isn't that the best outcome? Schoolkids may also gain some street cred for being given detention. It is not a lasting mark on his record that anyone outside school will ever be aware of. many respectable people have had far worse punishment (e.g. Stephen Fry was detained for various misdemeanors in a young offenders institute if I remember correctly, no-one holds it against him and he tells this as a story in his autobiography)

    There is a positive benefit from him being in a school where discipline is maintained. People with autism are likely to do better in that environment than in a "modern" liberal environment where there is more of a free for all.

    The idea that discipline requires punishment is the idea that needs to be challenged. Discipline requires sanctions and it needs to be seen to be fair and consistent but it does not have to involve punishment.

Reply
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Every situation like this is an opportunity for people to make choices.

    You can choose to turn this into more of a problem than it is.

    You can choose to encourage your son to learn from the situation and ignore the punishment. There is actually a funny side to this - the idea of putting someone with autism into isolation is extremely paradoxical. He might prefer isolation rather than being forced to be social? If he can rise above it and invoke a birdman from alcatraz style attitude then isn't that the best outcome? Schoolkids may also gain some street cred for being given detention. It is not a lasting mark on his record that anyone outside school will ever be aware of. many respectable people have had far worse punishment (e.g. Stephen Fry was detained for various misdemeanors in a young offenders institute if I remember correctly, no-one holds it against him and he tells this as a story in his autobiography)

    There is a positive benefit from him being in a school where discipline is maintained. People with autism are likely to do better in that environment than in a "modern" liberal environment where there is more of a free for all.

    The idea that discipline requires punishment is the idea that needs to be challenged. Discipline requires sanctions and it needs to be seen to be fair and consistent but it does not have to involve punishment.

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